Here at Horace Green

Mr. Schneebly, perhaps you're not familiar with this kind of institution.
Let me explain something to you.
Here at Horace Green, our name has come to mean pure excellence in every sense
Which we comandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee
When they write those checks
Each parent here expects
Their child to earn a high return
And because they do, the pressure's on for you and me
Here at Horace Green
We rule the rankings
Lead in funding
Test right off the chart
Greatness is routine, the Board demands it
Or we will both be ripped apart.
Oh, no worries with me. If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em. Real hard.
There is no corporal punishment.
But you do spank 'em though, right?
Eh?
No.
At our hallowed school the children, as a rule, learn discipline
We drill it in
With, as you might guess, the fear of doing less than well
While they're in our care we tenderling prepare them to compete
With the elite
Till they are dispersed to Harvard, or at worst, Cornell.
Here at Horace Green
We take top honors
Crush our rivals
Wear the prep-school crown
There's no in between
We get results here
Or the alums will hunt us down
Here at Horace Green
We stick to custom
Keep on schedule
Do what must be done
Don't and it will mean I go ballistic!
Right.
Then that's all.
Good luck, have fun!