Bout It Bout It

All that I wanted was my self-respect
I never got it so now I feel crazy
My confidence left
And now I cannot muster the courage
To get the fuck outta the house
And nobody's allowed in
Beside of the mind of this insecure member
That don't understand how you feel
You relate to me
Maybe it's not what you thought
Cause you do not live in my position
Efficiently finding a bottle of pills
Effectively forcing myself to ingest
I must attest
I used to speak with the lord
Pray for forgiveness of sins
Believing the stress
But fuck it i'm over my meds
I don't have time to think about a religion
For instance
I live life so terrible sinister
Sarcastic assassin he asking for peace
And I promise to change if you let me be free
But I bet that you won't I can feel the restraints
And i'm anxious in public I should be alone
I don't want interactions
I turn off my phone so I shut off the lights
And I pull in the blinds
And I sit and reflect on the sickening times
When I saw that nobody was there for me
Luckily I had myself and that's all that I needed
Proceeded to sulk in the silence of silence
I'm in isolation no people around me
I'm drowning and hoping that shit will get better
I want to be happy I used to be positive
But it was life that was beating me down
By the time I matured i'm preferring the negative
I'm at the point where i'm planning my funeral service
I'm sure that I probably won't make it
I got no love in my heart I am vacant
Do not approach me don't ever mistake it
I'm pessimistic and passing out hatred
I can't recall when I went through these changes
I pray to death that I receive his penance
On the front page of the news now i'm famous
Isn't it crazy that you get attention the day that you die
But the rest of your life it's just filled up with sins
Shall we indulge in the rest of our vice and material woes
That we do not need
I still tried to kill myself several times
Before I finally saw what this life is about
There's no reason to die
Why you coming at me?
Those are intentions i've already seen
Just turned to commercial commodities
To showing your face to these people
Who could give a fuck about you and your personal well-being
I know that you're feeling alone
We could take and we'll make it a catalyst
Capitalizing off your lack of happiness
That's a distraction that no one will see
Don't you want money and lies of attention
Attempting to tell you [?]
Someone could have spent on new medication
The therapy sessions is given to you
Becoming anew
Cause you are the man
They all want to be and i'm certain that you will sit comfortably
Right at the top where nobody can touch you
And I have perspective by coming discussing you
You got everything but you feel like you nothing
You empty inside but you wanted relief
Self-mutilation to deal with the grief
Said to hail Mary i'm hoping to be
More mentally stable so that I can breathe
I'm needing some help and I truly believe
My life is in shamble and I cannot reprieve
When I talk to a priest and they tell me to see the omnipotent
We have not spoken in years and I lost the connection
Do you have his number
Stop passing collections I don't have no money
Supporting your service
You're not a soldier for Christ or a leader for God
I can see the deceit in your eyes
You're an average man like I am
But you find you can hustle this good to pay all of your bills
So my nigga be real cause my soul is diluted
So what should I do
Can you tell me the truth
And don't say repent
My time it was spent
On nothing but ignorance
I need a razor blade so I can finish it
I am indifferent
Diss it and dip it inside of myself
I cannot see what i'm made of
I'm taking a whole lot of shit but I don't anymore
You pay attention for what is in store
It's so legendary it needs a folklore
You'll fall in love with it and then you'll want more
But this is something that you cannot afford
It don't have a price
I just want love
Honesty passion and all the above is that too much to ask
Gotta move forward can't live in the past
Stuck in depression can't get off my ass
And i'm tense as a bitch I can never relax
But i'm ready to die, see that is a fact