99 Problems

If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that want to make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood, stupid what type of facts are those?
If you grew up with holes in your zapatos
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin' dough
I'm like "Fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole
If you 'on't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward"

Got beef with radio if I 'on't play they show
They 'on't play my hits, well, I 'on't give a shit, so
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers
I 'on't know what you take me as
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to riches, niggas I ain't dumb

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me
99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Year's '94 and my trunk is raw
In my rear view mirror is the motherfuckin' law
I got two choices y'all, pull over the car or, hmm
Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jake
Plus I got a few dollars I could fight the case
So I, pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son, do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"

"'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low?
Or do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?"
"Well you was doin' 55 in the 54" "Uh huh"
"License and registration and step out of the car
Are you carryin' a weapon on you? I know a lot of you are"
"I ain't steppin' out of shit, all my papers legit"
"Well do you mind if I look around the car a lil' bit?"

"Well my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk and the back
And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that"
"Aren't you sharp as a tack? You some type of lawyer or something?
Somebody important or something?"
"Child, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a lil' bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit"
"Well we'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come"

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me
99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me
99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe
This is not a hoe in the sense of havin' a pussy
But a pussy havin' no goddamn sense try and push me
I tried to ignore 'em, talk to the Lord
Pray for 'em, cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
The only thin' that's gon' happen is I'ma get to clappin' and
He and his boys gon' be yappin' to the captain

And there I go trapped in the Kit Kat again
Back through the system with the riff raff again
Fiends on the floor scratchin' again
Paparazzi's with they cameras, snappin' them
D.A. tried to give a nigga shaft again
Half a mil' for bail cause I'm African
All because this fool was harassin' 'em
Tryin' to play the boy like he's saccharine
But ain't nothin' sweet 'bout how I hold my gun

I got 99 problems, bein' a bitch ain't one, hit me
99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me (gosh)
99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Woo, woo, uh, uh
Havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
You're crazy for this one, Rick, it's your boy