A Little Priest

But you know me
Bright ideas just ... pop into my head
And you know what I'm thinking?
Seems a downright shame

Shame?

Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame

Wot's his name has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced!

Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift as a gift
If you get my drift, no?

Seems an awful waste
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
If you get it

Oh!

Good, you got it

Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only pussycats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Eminently practical (Well, it does seem a waste)
And yet appropriate as always

Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived (It's an idea)
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable (Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave)
It's also undetectable (Won't they?)
How choice (Think of)
How rare (All them pies!)

For what's the sound of the world out there?

What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air

Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, all around

It's man devouring man, my dear
And who are we to deny it in here?

These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett
And desperate measures are called for

Here we are, then, hot out of the oven

What is that?

It's priest
Have a little priest

Is it any good?

Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat

Only where it sat

Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
How do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest

Heavenly
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps
But then, not as bland as curate

And it's good for business, too
'Cause it always leaves you wantin' more
Trouble is
We only get it on Sundays

Lawyer's rather nice

If it's for a price

Order something else, though to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice!

Anything that's lean

Well then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine
Anyway, it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been

Is that squire on the fire?

Mercy, no sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer!

Looks thicker, more like vicar

No, it has to be grocer, it's green!

The history of the world, my love

Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors

Is those below serving those up above

Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors!

How gratifying for once to know
That those above will serve those down below!

Now what have I got here, I've got, uh, got tinker

Something pinker

Tailor?

Something paler

Potter?

Something hotter

Butler?

Something ... subtler

Locksmith?

Ugh...

Lovely bit of clerk

Maybe for a lark

Then again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier
Peak of his career

That looks pretty rank

Well, he drank, it's a bank
Cashier, never really sold
Maybe it was old

Have you any Beadle?

Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and
Notice 'ow, well, it's been greased
Stick to priest

Now then, this might be a little bit stringy
But then again, it is fiddle player

That's not fiddle player, that is piccolo player

'Ow can you tell?

It is piping hot

Well then, blow on it first!

The history of the world, my sweet

Oh, Mr. Todd
Ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?

It's who gets eaten, and who gets to eat

And, Mr. Todd
Too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell?

But fortunately, it's also clear
That everybody goes down well with beer

Since marine doesn't appeal to you
How about rear admiral?

Too salty, I prefer general

With or without his privates?
'With' is extra

What is that?

It's fop
Finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top
And I've just begun
There's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily
Have one

Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run

Try the friar
Fried, it's drier

No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy

Then actor, that's compacter

Yes, and always arrives overdone
I'll come again
When you have judge on the menu!

Wait, true, we don't have judge yet
But there's something else you might fancy even better

And what is that?

Executioner!

Have charity towards the world, my pet

Yes, yes, I know, my love

We'll take the customers that we can get

High-born and low, my love

We won't discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
We'll serve anyone
And to anyone
At all!