A Lil' Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place - The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas/1978 Original Broadway Cast/Remastered

It's just a lil' ole bitty pissant country place
Nothin' much to see
No drinking allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd, plain as it can be
It's just a piddly squattin' old time country place
Nothing too high toned
Just lots of good will and maybe one small thrill
But there's nothing dirty going on
Nothing dirty going on

I don't hire no married girls, they're not on the ball
They got homes and husbands, they're not stable at all
They don't understand a single thing about a proper business day
Now what's the point of opening up the store if you give the goods away?

It's just a little bitty pissant country place, nothing much to see
No drinking allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd, plain as it can be
It's just a piddly squattin no time country place, nothing too high toned
Just lots of good will, and maybe one small thrill, but there's nothing dirty going on

Keep your language clean girl, keep your bedroom neat
Don't hang around the town cafes or say hi on the street
And if you mind your P's and Q's and manners, you don't need no other tools
But before I finish, I should add
My special no-no rules
(Miss Mona's gonna lay it down, her special no-no rules)

Beds are not to be wallowed in
That's the kind of thing that big fat lazy hogs do
And it don't make money!
I won't tolerate no tying up my telephone with other people's business
Are you with me, honey?
And please don't show me no tattoos
No hearts and flowers on your thigh
It's downright tacky
Brands belong on cattle and that ain't what we're selling at Miss Mona's
You catch my drift?

I pay the food and the rent and the utilities
You keep your mind on your work responsibilities
Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities
And we can get along

And as for pimps
Pimps are something you don't need
To get your daily business done
You listening good?
So keep those leaches and blood suckers off the back road
I know how to use a gun
No one messes with my girls!

And any questions you might have about the way I run this place
Don't gripe and whine behind my back
Just tell me face to face, I'm open-minded, say it all
Then go upstairs and pack, the door's that way

I pay the food and the rent and the utilities
You keep your mind on your work responsibilities
Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities
And we can get along

Any bad habits you come in with
Get rid of right now
I can't stand no chewing gum
It looks just like a cow
Anyone takin' sick leave oughta be real sure they're sick
And every time you hear this bell
Better get here double quick!

All my girls know the rules by heart
Lindy Lou, start 'em
No whips or rough stuff
This ain't the Marine Corps
And no three or more in a bed
This ain't the circus
And no kissing on the mouth
This ain't the junior prom. Ruby Rae?
Beds are not to be wallowed in
That's the kind of thing that big fat lazy hogs do
And it don't make money. Beatrice?
I don't tolerate no tying up my telephone with other people's business
Eloise, honey?
And please don't show me no tattoos
No hearts and flowers on your thigh
It's downright tacky
Brands belong on cattle and that ain't what we're selling at Miss Mona's
You catch my drift?

I pay the food and the rent and the utilities
You keep your mind on your work responsibilities
Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities
And we can get along
Dawn
Any bad habits you come in with
Get rid of right now (Tatty Joe?)
I can't stand no chewing gum
It looks just like a cow (Sterlin')
Anyone takin' sick leave oughta be real sure they're sick
Ginger
And every time you hear this bell
Better get here double quick!

It's just a little bitty pissant country place, nothing much to see
No drinking allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd, plain as it can be
It's just a piddly squattin no time country place, nothing too high toned
Just lots of good will, and maybe one small thrill, but there's nothing dirty going on

It's just a little bitty pissant country place, nothing much to see
No drinking allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd, plain as it can be
It's just a piddly squattin no time country place, nothing too high toned
Just lots of good will, and maybe one small thrill, but there's nothing dirty going on
Nothin' dirty goin' on!