10 Little Bottles

A friend of mine gave me
Ten little bottles of
Some special stuff that he
Had brewed up hisself

So I took it and hid it
Down in my basement
But my wife found out about it
And she told me to
Get rid of it or else

Since I didn't like the
Way she said, or else
I went down there and proceeded
To carry out her instructions

I set the ten little
Bottles on the drainboard
Picked up the first bottle
Pulled the cork out of it
And poured it down the sink
That is, all except one
Little swaller, which I drank

I picked up the next bottle
And I pulled the cork out of it
And I poured it down the sink
All except one little swaller
Which I drank

I picked up the next bottle
And I pulled the sink out of it
And I poured it down the sink
All except one little swaller
Which I drank

I picked up the next sink
And I pulled the bottle out of it
And I poured it down the cork
All except one little swaller
Which I drank

I picked up the next cork
And I pulled the sink out of it
And I poured it down the bottle
All except one teensy weensy
Little swaller, which I sank

I, I, I usually have a little
Difficulty with this number
You see I come from a
Great long line of stinkers
Uh, drinkers

I had an uncle that
Drank a quart a day
Every day of his life
Heck, me I spell more than that

No kidding
He could drink a quart
And not even stagger
Heck, he couldn't even move

We told him, we says
You better quit drinking that stuff
It's gonna kill you
Sure enough, it killed him
He died last year at the
Age of a hundred and two

Well, don't laugh
We dug him up last week
He looks better than y'all do now

A guy back here asked me, he says
What's the difference between
A drunk and an alchoholic
Well, I'll tell you
Us drunks don't have to attend all
Them dang old meetings, you know

I don't like your bartenders here
In Nashville, I'll tell you that
I says to this guy, give me
Something cold and full of gin
He says, take my wife

You see, you got me all confused
How many bottles have I got left
How many have I got, five
You're seeing double
There's only two and a half

I want you to know one other thing
You better not say nothing
Against my wife, buster
Cause I'll have you know
I'll have you know that I
Got the wifest nice in
The whole United States