My Average Morning

When the little chirping birdies
Tap upon my window pane
And sing their very merry morning song
Cheep, cheep
And Mr Sun comes creeping
Through my curtains once again
Then I know that it is time to end
My long, deep sleep
When comes the honeybee
To drink the early morning dew
This thought occurs to me each day
Does it occur to you?
Yes, you!

Oh, God
I'm alive
Another day
To survive
Another day to take the weight
Of the taxman's yolk
Another day to be the butt
Of God's great joke

Open eyes
Right one first
Where's my watch?
Oh God, my thirst
Time to leave my cosy bed and take a shower
I think I'll snatch another half an hour

Wait a minute
What's that sound?
Eyes snap open
Look around
The bedroom's armageddon
Clothes are strewn all over the floor
From an inch or two behind me
Comes an unexpected snore

Check my limbs
Oh, they're all there
Oh my God!
There's one to spare
As I summon up the nerve to take a peek
I think, "Oh no, I'm better off asleep"

But now, of course
I'm wide awake
Who is that?
For heaven's sake
Those certainly aren't my handcuffs
And I never wear red lace
Perhaps I should just turn and see if
I recognise the face

Oh my God!
Ginger hair?
And do I own a rocking chair?
The window isn't where it ought to be
And there's someone in this bed who isn't me

Try to think
Last night's dance
Someone said, "Let's go to France"
Now, I vaguely remember Victoria Station
And clambering onto a train
Then it all starts to blur, but I think I recall
That I ordered some Cristal champagne

It's come back!
I'm in Rome
And I want to go home
So I think it's best if I just creep away
Well it might be slightly awkward if I stay

Without saying goodbye, I tiptoe out the door
Well, I've never, ever seen those girls before
But of course!
No, I've never, ever seen those girls before
Nor that horse!
No I swear, I've never seen the girls before