I Have Been In You (Live At London's Hammersmith Odeon/1978)

Alright
It's romance time, ladies and gentlemen
This is our special song that goes out to all the ladies in the audience
Because God knows how you've suffered
That's right
We understand these things, oh yes
We in the world of rock and roll with our infinite wisdom

Alright, look here
There was a record released not too long ago
Oh, shut up, please shut up
It sounds like some sort of a gas is coming out of your body, through your mouth

A record was released not too long ago
Bearing the title "I'm In You"
Now, when I... It's coming out again
When I heard the title of this song I said
"Is he kidding? This is soft-core porn"

So I thought about it for a while and I, just kind of
I let my mind drift away
Into those little zones where it goes, you know, when it drifts away
A lot of you crazy people in the audience know what I'm talking about
So I was just sittin' there thinking about "I'm In You", huh?
That's preposterous

So I imagined this story, let's pretend you're a teenage girl
And as I said last night and I'll say it again because I liked it
There's probably some of you little boys in the audience that wanna pretend that you're teenage girls too and you can pretend also
And I also said last night and I will repeat it because it still stands true today
A lot of you older guys, especially the ones that work for the government, this song is for you too
You can all pretend you're a little teenage girl

Now let's say that you have a real honest to goodness teenage bedroom
And this is not a fake teenage girl bedroom
This is the real kind, it has a Jimi Hendrix poster on the wall
It has three flaming sticks of sandalwood incense
It has a small lamp with the red bulb in it
Or maybe it's a white bulb with a red kind of bleeding madras over it, you know?
Just something to give your room that vibe, you know?

Let's say that you, the teenage girl of today
Have abducted the succulent pop-star of your choice back to your teenage room
Yes, it's the big time, you didn't go with him to the hotel
You made him come to your stinking little room
Poor son of a bitch must have been really hard up, you know?

So anyway you got him in there, and he takes his pop-star clothing off
First it's the satin shirt, with the tiny little burn holes in it from where the seeds fell on there
And then it's the satin pants, with the tiny little burn holes in it from where the seeds fell on there
Then of course it's the ever popular feather boa
Which is cast aside over that little chair in the corner, you know
The one with the green thing on the seat

Then, he removes three of the four safety pins embedded in his face
He always likes to keep one for good luck
In case there's somebody taking pictures for Melody Maker
He takes, he takes the one out of his eyebrow, the one from this cheek and the one from this ear
Leaves the one in his nose
Takes these three safety pins and puts them on the dresser next to the bed

Naturally you're highly eroticized by all this and so you start removing your very own teenage girl type clothing
The brassiere, which is always a struggle
It's a rough one, isn't it?
You know, these cheap brassieres can sometimes become wedged
So you, you finally get that off
He couldn't really take your clothing off for you because, you know, a guy, a guy can only go so far for rock and roll
You take your own goddamn clothes off, you know what I mean?

So you're getting your little teenage brassiere off there, and you got your little teenage blouse off there
Perhaps that little blanket that you wear for the protest marches, you know, throw that off to the side
Take off your cott... your white cotton underpants with the little brown skid mark in it
And stick them under the bed real fast before he knows what kind of underpants you wear
Because there's no class to white cotton underpants
You know this is true

And then you lay ba... Oh, wait a minute, I forgot the most important thing
You put on the Phoebe Snow album
And turn it real soft, you know
Then you lay back in your teenage bed
You put your teenage legs up in the air in the universal gesture of greeting

Oops, going too fast
You have to take three of the four safety pins embedded in various parts of your body out
You take the one from this part of your arm
The one from your other eyebrow and the one from your lower lip
Leaving the one that is attached to your uvula
That's a good one
And then you take your three safety pins and you put them next to his three safety pins on the dressing stand
And then because you're really falling in love you have a little ceremony
Where you make two identical pyramids out of the six safety pins

And as the crescendo comes in the Phoebe Snow album
You lay back, you get your legs up, he gets on top of you
He has to get on top of you, no other way now
And he's right on top of you there
And the next thing you know he has these little pop-star lips up next to your little teenage girl type ear, and you hear this
This voice whispering in your ear that says
"I'm in you, I'm in you, I'm in you, I'm in you"

Well, let's remember one thing, boys and girls
You wanted him in there, didn't you?
And that's where he went, he went right in there
And so we have this song that is called, "I Have Been In You"
This is for everybody who might, who might know how true that other story actually was

Now, wait just a minute, wait a minute
This can't be right, that's too fast for a romantic song
It should be like, "Na, na na, na na"
You know, slow it down a bit, okay
One, and-a-two, and-a-three, and-a-four, hey

I have been in you, baby
And you have been in me
And we have be so intimately
Entwined and it sure was fine

I have been in you, baby
And you have been in me
And so you see, we have be so together
I thought that we would never
Return from forever

You have been in me and understandably
I have been in and outa you (in 'n outa you, in 'n outa you)
And everywhere you want me to
You know it's true

And while I was inside
I migh have been undignified
And that is maybe why you cried
I don't know, maybe so
But just remember now?

I have been in you, baby
You have been in me
Oh, little girl, there ain't no time
To wash your stinky hand
Go 'head and roll over
I'm goin' in you again, well (in you again)
In you again, well (in you again)

I'm goin', yeah (in you again)
I'm goin' in you again (in you again)
I'm goin' in you again (in you again)
Yeah, I in you again (in you again)

Well darlin', I told I was going in you again
And I wasn't lying to you, I would never lie to you
After all, you buy my records
I couldn't lie to you

Yeah, I went in you again and I'm probably gonna go in you again some more
And I just want you to remember a couple of things while I'm going in there and coming out of there and going in there
Is that I just want you to keep on buying my goddamn records
Because it's people like you that make life possible for assholes like me with the little burn holes in the satin shirt

You know, I, I don't know whether you realize this, being nothing more, or nothing less, than a teenage girl
But there are so many wonderful things in the world of rock and roll
That chumps like you make possible for us fantastic people with big record contracts, you see?
If it weren't for you, pitiful little specimens of humanity with your legs up in the air in the universal gesture of greeting
Imitating me with my stupid safety pins, you wearing your safety pins
Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm going in you again
No, I still like you, it's okay
Look, just to show you that I'm really a nice guy
I'm not even going to remark about your white cotton underpants with the brown skid mark on 'em
I could care less, so long as I get a little pussy tonight
I'm going someplace else tomorrow

But when I leave, honey, I want you to remember, keep on buying my records, dear
Just keep buying them and tell all of your friends to buy those records
Because Lord knows I'm so sincere in the songs that I sing to you on there
As a matter of fact, let me show you two or three neat ways that you can jack off while you listen to these records
Got a hair brush? You don't? Well, how about this one?
Why don't you lie down in the bath tub and stick your legs up in the air in the universal gesture of greeting
And just let the water drip out of the faucet onto the thing there
And if that doesn't work, well, get a vibrator
You know, batteries aren't that expensive

Well, guess I'd better sing to you again, dear
I'm almost falling in love
I'm gonna have to leave here soon, you know?

I'm going in you again, baby
You can go in me roo, that's true
I'm going in you again, baby
And later when we get through, guess what

I'm going in you again, baby
And you can go in me too (I'm in you)
I'm going in you again, baby
And later when we get through

I'm going in you again, ah (in you again)
In you again, ah (in you again)
In you again, ah (in you again)
In you again, ah (in you again)