Miss America

Miss America I've been waiting for you to notice me,
But I know you're always so busy being free,
You know I love you; anyway I guess that's you, Your big idea eyes draped in your red; white and few,
But you're always humming some stupid song that I hate,
And you always leave the best part of the meal on the plate,
What's that you said if you could only have one wish,
Peace on earth; well that's a mighty big fish.

Her mother wanted a doctor and her father wanted a dancer,
Now the politician with the strap on smile avoids the question as he greases up his answer,
As the judge tries to have himself declared legally blind,
She has her seeing eye dog put to sleep out of fear of what they might find,
She learned to love it so much she could force the infidel to leave it,
Clever enough to prove she doesn't exist and dumb enough to believe it,
But our eyes are so sore that you're an ointment for our sight,
We'll do the number on what is wrong in the name of what is right.

You can't even notice the fangs in such a pretty smile,
She casually omits good taste and formally declares it style,
On the cutting edge of conventionality she always carries this razor blade,
So she can threaten suicide at her convenience if someone else seems better made,
The raw sewage of her thousand ships worth of base and blush,
Has drained into the mirror's pool of glass and turned it into mush,
And you've turned your tears into an environmental issue,
But we will move mountains for the irony of bringing you a tissue.

You're a really good actress but what you really want is to direct,
And here comes your therapist with another script you can reject,
I could write a book about how you have absolutely nothing to say,
You're so ugly in a beautiful kind of way,
And now I'm not so sure that you're my type after all,
When I got a look at your will and it said you want to be buried under the mall,
When all that's sacred can be kept in your makeup purse,
I've been dying to met you and now I don't know which is worse.