Three-Legged Man

Now friends you'd never guess it so I really must confess it
I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life
But a friend of mine said, "Buddy just in case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're fooling with is Peg-Leg Johnson's wife
And that man is hard, and cold, and mean, and grim
And he'll catch you and he'll brain you with his artificial limb"

But next morning, bright and early, I stole old Peg-Leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter 'cause he started hopping after
And I keep on running faster, but he won't give up the chase
And I'm running through the mountains with his bride
And I got his wooden leg here by my side

I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased across country by a one-legged fool
Though he's hoppin', and he's flappin', and he shows no sign of stoppin'
I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel

Through the deserts, and the valleys, and those dark Chicago alleys
Cross the muddy Mississippi to the hills of Caroline
Through the mountains of Montana and the swamps of Louisiana
Each time that I look back, he's just about one foot behind
I know he must be cold, and wet, and sick
But in spite of all his troubles, he can kick

Oh, he's ragged, and he's filthy, and I'm feeling kinda guilty
'Specially in the evening when I hear him plead and beg
He says, "In spite of all your stealing friend, I bear you no hard feelings
You can keep the damned old woman but please give me back my leg
'Cause old friend, I know you think you took my wooden leg
But in the dark, you made a mistake and you took my good leg"

I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased across country by a one-legged fool
Though he's hoppin', and he's flappin', and he shows no sign of stoppin'
I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel
I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel