I Wonder (feat. Erin Kim)

Her mind was confused
with a plus at the tip of a tube sick as she threw up wit a cup take a sip of abuse
so she gets nervous cause her man left her after the sex
and he jets she thought that he loved her you see shes 18
and she's a bit conscious about her dress and the reflection of her own image
timid in speech she's limited given a week
with her tummy blowing up so that people can see
but she decides to keep it, said no to abortion
the feet kicks in her stomach comes without a warning she feels the pain though
cause her parents cry, and the shame eats her alive when she closed her eyes
then the day comes, she gives birth to a son Kim Sung Hoon
soon she holds and kisses her love wishing it never ended
taking a mental picture, hoping through the tears that her son would have a better future

I wonder, if theres a smile on your face
Sometimes i miss you, and long for your embrace
I never could thank you, enough for holding on
Dear mama, mama, mama
Forever, i'll hold you in my heart

So she wonders, what happened to her son next?
is there clothes on his back, food on his plate whats the context
the recollection of the day replays in her mindset and the ways that she would try but just never could forget
well he's okay, and he resides in the states, a needle in space in which rain makes it a beautiful place
embraced by the culture and he's loved by all the members
until he turns 18 and his world gets flipped
he hears that his mom is not actually his and that complications prevented her from having any kids and his real mom is actually Korean and she had to give him up for adoption cause she was young and was a student
lost and was confused
and wrestling in the moment
am I Chinese or Korean, am I destined for this union?
and if I am whats the purpose, I jot it in my verses
so I replay it in my mind as I think about you

I wonder, if theres a smile on your face
Sometimes I miss you, and long for your embrace
I never could thank you, enough for holding on
Dear mama, mama, mama
Forever, I'll hold you in my heart

If I could write a letter and know that you would read it
I would tell you that I never once in my heart felt hatred
reinstated, I would play a song and dance with you
hold your hand as i thank the Lord for creating you
as strong as you are, cause in my mind I can't fathom
the pain and the guilt when all you heard was their gossip
and still you stuck through it, when they called you foolish
and with this gift that I possess you probably loved music
I hope you're doing well, I hope someday you'll see this
I hope I mean I really hope that you know Jesus
on a deeper level seeking just to know him better, I hope in perfect timing we can see the reason clearer
I hope you're smiling now, I hope I cross your mind
I hope you never second guess if what you did was right
cause I'm so proud of you I love and admire you so after all these years this is my way of telling you

I wonder, if theres a smile on your face
Sometimes I miss you, and long for your embrace
I never could thank you, enough for holding on
Dear mama, mama, mama
Forever, I'll hold you in my heart

I wonder, if theres a smile on your face
Sometimes I miss you, and long for your embrace
I never could thank you, enough for holding on
Dear mama, mama, mama
Forever, I'll hold you in my heart