News of Augustus

CHARLIE BUCKET
Oh! Grandpa! Look! The headline!

GRANDPA JOE
What headline?

GRANDMA JOSEPHINA
Read it Charlie.

CHARLIE BUCKET
Willy Wonka has announced an amazing competition. Find a golden ticket and you could win a dream trip to his chocolate factory, with a guided tour conducted by Mr. Willy Wonka himself!

GRANDPA JOE
Five golden tickets have been hidden inside the wrappers of five Wonka chocolate bars. Your challenge is to find one!

JERRY
Breaking news! We interrupt this programme to bring you news that the first Wonka ticket winner has been found. To find out more, let's go straight over to our chief confectionary correspondent, Cherry Sundae. Cherry, where are you?

CHERRY SUNDAE
Jerry, I'm in Bavaria! Here in this sleepy mountain town it seems like a chocolate dream has come true for local butcher's son, and three times regional bratwurst eating champion, Augustus Gloop!

MRS GLOOP
Augustus, my little pumpkin, smile for the cameras!

CHERRY SUNDAE
Augustus, how do you feel?

AUGUSTUS GLOOP
*belches*

CHERRY SUNDAE
Charming. So Mrs. Gloop...

MORE OF HIM TO LOVE

CHERRY SUNDAE
The story of hope, how did it all begin?

MRS GLOOP
Oh when I was just a girl
I used to dream of a boy
Who would bring me lots of sweets
And be mein Schwarzwald of joy
My Herr Gloop was quite a meal
But now he seems like just a crumb
'Cause it turns out that dessert was yet to come!

So we were wed and in mein magen
Something big began to bloom
And my liver and my kidney
Had to vacate to make room
Then the blessed day arrived
And out he rolled so round and sweet
And the first words that he uttered were-

AUGUSTUS GLOOP
Let's eat!

MRS GLOOP
Ja!
So mit strudel, he'd canoodle,
How he loved my pretzel pie
He ate the whole kit and kaboodle
And grew wide as well as high
Though his size is rather shocking
He's what I was traumen of
'Cause there is more, more, more of him to love

Go ahead Augustus, don't be shy. Schpill your guts!

AUGUSTUS GLOOP
Like mein mutter und mein vater
I enjoy a healthy meal
Yes my outside's soft und flabby,
But my inside's made of steel
We raise piggies in the backyard
And I eat them limb from limb

MR GLOOP
We don't leave our dachshunds all alone with him!

MRS GLOOP
Nein!

AUGUSTUS GLOOP
So this morning I was eating
When such hunger did attack
Und fifty Wonka bars were waiting
For a nice mid-breakfast snack
But the taste was kind of different,
Like a bratwurst three days old
So I spit it out and saw I had struck gold!

Now I'm the perfect ticket winner
For on chocolate I did teeth
I am excited but keep eating
'Cause I only stop to breath
And a lifetime full of chocolate
A gesundheit from above
And there'll be more, more, more of me to love

GROUP
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