Richard Interred

I'm dying! I'm dying!
I told myself this tragedy would have a happy ending
I was lying
I'm trapped before the audience from hell and what
I'm selling they aren't buying
I'm dying! I'm flopping!
I let myself get tricked into appearing
Like some undiscovered gender
A bit of Al Pacino and a lot of
Shirley Temple on a bender

This is brilliant
It's a once-in-a-life achievement
It's a vision that I believe in
It's a seminal work of art
How amazing
This theatrical trail I'm blazing
It's a miracle I created
It's a wonder I was ever underrated

It's hopeless
Exciting!
I should be playing Richard
If this doesn't work it has to be the lighting

I wonder what that sour-looking woman
Sitting on the aisle is writing

Ha!
Am I King? Ker-fow!
Oh, but Edward lives!

I'm a flop on off off-Broadway
There's my agent; there he goes
Here at last on off off-Broadway
And I'm wearing pantyhose

If we run one week I can file for unemployment
If we run one week I can file for unemployment
It's a turkey, like the last time
Think of acting as a pastime
I may never work again

It's painful
Pathetic

The whole first row has slipped into a coma
Someone ought to call a medic

I've had more fun while undergoing
Root canal without an anesthetic

This is not respectful silence
They are hostile, tense and bored
And I sense impending violence

Well, at least I've got a sword

If we leave right now
We'll be home in time for "Nightline"
If we leave right now
We'll be home in time for "Leno"

Short of having a conniption
I may cancel my subscription
I'll be home in time for "Studs"

I know I can play this part
But no one here will even have a clue
I've the right interpretation
And the proper motivation
But my chance was ruined from the start
I really can play this part

I'm dying! He's dying!
He looks so misera-bleh and
It breaks my heart to see how hard he's trying
And though I'm deeply bored
He strikes a chord in me
I almost feel like crying

This show is so perverse
It can't get any worse
I'd love to disappear
The ending must be near
How much longer can I persevere?
I wish I were anywhere but here