If I Was Santa Claus

(If I was a rich man) I'd buy you some shoes
Tall boots for all the dirt you walk through
What would that do? Enable you to deal?
Without schoolin' you on how to touch what's real
(And if I was a smart man) I'd tell you everything that I knew
And give it to you every time you need a talking to
But what would that do? Teach you my guidelines?
So you can be a cheerleader at your game on the sidelines

(And if I was a driver) I'd keep my headlights on
To see the difference between right and wrong
I'd wear my seatbelt even when I'm in park
'Cause I don't trust the other fools that cruise through these parts
(And if I was a better cook) I'd hook up a feast
Set a table full of food for the children to eat
I'd encourage the nourishment so we can breathe
With the knowledge that we got something accomplished

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
You can take my hand and I can take the lead

(And if I was an honest man) I would stop writing songs
I'd break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast
Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music
It ain't nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess)
And if I was you, I wouldn't hear a word I said
Wouldn't trust nothing that started up inside my head
I'd make a conscious effort to live instead
Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed

(And if I was a hurt man) I'd find a way to put my faith
Into a woman that could take me from today
Maybe, I need somebody that could save me
From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy
(And if I was a wise man) I'd climb to the top of the mountain peak
To think about strength versus weakness
I'd find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head
And figure out how I could try to help you reach it

(Ho ho ho)
And if I did have a choice, I'd never want to live forever
Just let me have a voice so I can make my points
I can't imagine runnin' a race with no finish line
Just let me keep my pace and make the most of my time
I love giving but I'm bad at receiving
The truth is I'd prefer to be the one bleeding
But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work
Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt
Which brings me to the issue, and that would be this:
How often must I ask myself why I exist?
I feel like a freak, this world is a circus
Just tryin' to find myself as well as my purpose

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
And you can take my hand and I can take the lead
And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
And you can take my hand and I can take the lead

I got nothin' but gifts
Keep it up in my wits
Got me drunk on the fifth
And now we stuck in the ditch
And as dumb as it gets
I'ma run you some fibs
I wanna touch your lips
I wanna rub your hips

Put a glove on the fist
For the love that exists
We'll keep bumpin' the hits
To get my bucket of chips
From the Bloods and the Crips
To the skateboardin' chicks
Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist

I got nothin' but gifts
Keep it up in my wits
Got me drunk on the fifth
And now we stuck in the ditch
And as dumb as it gets
I'ma run you some fibs
I wanna touch your lips
I wanna rub your hips

Put a glove on the fist
For the love that exists
We'll keep bumpin' the hits
To get my bucket of chips
From the Bloods and the Crips
To the skateboardin' chicks
Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist
(Ho ho ho ho)
(Ho ho ho)
(Ho ho ho)