Shame V. Guilt

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. And the last time I did, it ended with a hospital trip. I know I said I didn't want any help, but doesn't that always mean I actually desperately need someones help? I don't know. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to do my best by myself

I'm feeling lonely tonight, something just doesn't feel right
Since I'm the only one with damage at the end of each fight
Your words all cut like a knife, and I felt every slice
Praying you'd save my life, if I was quiet and nice
So now I'm bitter, not sweet, put my head under the sheet
Because the only thing I want now is a place I can sleep
Eyelids are heavy and wet, wishing that I could forget
Since all I aimed to accomplish was simply settle my debt
These thoughts will drive me insane, if I don't tell you them plain
I've never sugar coated words, and now you always complain
I see the anger you feel, ignored me all through our meal
And when I asked if I could help, you doubted I was for real
You're so sarcastic it's awkward, and now my mood has been altered
And I was hoping that you'd notice that my smile was slaughtered
Now I'm the and the star of my very own opera
Except the genre isn't comedy, it's horror and drama

I tried to grow, but all it did was hold me down
You'll never know, if I will always be around
This guilty heart, is all that I have now
Break it apart, pick the pieces up off the ground

Gravitations not a reason to be falling in love
And I don't want to be the victim of this sinister bug
So I'll just pack up my heart, starting the day we depart
And I won't use it again, since I don't want to restart
Other girls aren't the same, I love your face and your name
And I won't settle for anything under that which I claim
I know the arguments suck, we're both sarcastic as fuck
And all we do is run in circles till we're stuck in a rut
I say I love you, you laugh, it's like my hearts cut in half
So I get spiteful and rude, bringing up shit from the past
You raise your tone as you speak, I scream your yelling at me
You give me angry eyes and I say that I think you should leave
Leaving me all on my own, writing some stupid new poem
Maybe I'll use it as a song someday, or maybe I won't
You were my reason to write, these feelings dark as the night
But now my pen is out of ink, making me fear for my life

I don't want to bring you down, and thanks for sticking around
But I'll get worse with every single day I stay in this town
I'm stressing more every week, so much I hardly can speak
Since people painted me with colors that were faded and weak
I feel so jaded this week, Last week my sadness increased
And about a month ago I felt my progress had ceased
You make me feel like a freak, but then you say it's a joke
It's like you stabbed me with a sword but you called it a poke
These feelings that you invoke, mixed with a glimmer of hope
Feel like a war in my heart, making it harder to cope
I'll call you when I'm alone, because I'm just getting home
From a place where I never even wanted to go
I hope you pick up the phone, I really hope you're awake
Since I'm getting more stressed than I think I can take
Were the feelings all fake? Tell me how did they fade?
Since I'm feeling up till now has been a masquerade

I can't do this. I need to talk to her

Hello?

Hey, I need to talk to you

Then do it tomorrow. I sleepy now. Bye

Damnit. Fine. I'll call her in the morning. I guess it would be good to get some sleep anyway. Where did I put those sleeping pills...