If I Had $1,000,000 - Live Holmdel 7-14-04

If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)

And if I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman

And if I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you a K Car
A nice Reliant automobile
If I had $1, 000, 000
I'd buy your love

If I had $1, 000, 000
(I'd build a tree fort in our yard)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(You could help, it wouldn't be that hard)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere)

You know, we could just go in there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
And there'd already be foods laid out for us
Like little prewrapped sausages and things
Mmm, you know, they have prewrapped sausages
But they don't have prewrapped bacon
Well, can you blame them? Yeah

If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
While I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)

And if I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Like a Llama or an Emu)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)

Well I'd buy you John Merricks remains
(Oh all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had $1, 000, 000
I'd buy your love

If I had $1, 000, 000
(We wouldn't have to walk to the store)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more)
If I had $1, 000, 000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we'd just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That's right, all the fanciest ketchups, Dijon ketchup
Mmm, mmm mmm

If I had $1, 000, 000
(If had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress that's cruel)

And if I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)

If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
Well I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I had $1, 000, 000
I'd buy your love

(If I had $1, 000, 000)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
If I had $1, 000, 000
(If I had $1, 000, 000)
I'd be rich