Medic! - A Team Fortress 2 Musical

There's a certain hellish realm
Reserved for everyone who yells
They need the medic!
Every evening while I sleep,
While I'm busy counting sheep,
They all bleat 'MEDIC'!
While I'm eating, while I'm reading,
Or excreting on the John...
There's no hiding from the screaming
In my mind!
There's no place in heaven high
Where I can crawl away and die,
The only real solution's
Absolutely homicide!
All the wounds I've ever sealed,
And the boo-boos that I've healed...
I'm a changed medic!
Now these injuries can stay
While I blow some noobs away!
Beware the medic!
The soldier and the sniper,
I'm afraid they've not got long...!
The demoman and pyro
Quickly fade!
And the medic will just laugh
While the heavy's torn in half
By the medic and his
Bonesaw's gruesome blade!
Now the sniper has
Jars of Jarate--
Clear glass bottles he fills
With his piss.
When he hits all his foes,
He crits all of his blows!
He has that...
I have this!
The engineer has electronics,
And the spy's got
Disguises and tricks!
And the pyro's insane!
(Eh, the scout's kind of lame...)
They do that...
I do this!
I do this.
If you'd like a reason why
My entire team should die!
Then play the medic!
Well my friends, the doctor's out...
Of his whole mind!
So go on, shout!
You'll get no medic!
I don't care about
Points or payloads
Only psychopathic sprees.
Nor which color team
You're playing,
RED or BLU!
And if I see just one more hat,
I'll tear your insides out like that!
Like Saxton Hale
On a safari at the zoo!
I'm a physician on a mission
And contrition's not my style!
Am I a monster or a mann?
I cannot say!
All I know is that
My über's locked and loaded
Like a trooper!
Medicare's
One shot away!
You think I've arrived
Bearing safety,
But I come not with peace,
But a sword!
There's a high price to pay
For the health I've purveyed!
All I do,
You've ignored!
All I do,
I'm Abhored!
I once
Was a man who was
Valiantly healing
Everyone crying,
'MEDIC!'
I once
Healed a spy
Who then
Knifed me goodbye!
That's when I learned to just
Let people die!
Let them die!
Leave the demoman
For dead!
Let the heavy fill
With lead!
Meet the new
Medic!
May the pyro
Be enflamed!
May you loath this wretched game
Without the medic!
May your papers
All be stolen!
Your intelligence
Be lost!
May your sanviches
Be full of
Rancid meat!
And the first fool that I hear
Who calls for medic
Gets their rear rent
Surgically...!
By me,
Your friendly PH.D.
The Medic.