Ball Of Kirriemuir

Four-and-twenty virgins come down from Inverness
And when the Ball was over, there were four-and-twenty less

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

There was doin' in the parlor, there was doin' on the stones
But ya couldn't a hear the music for the wheezin' and the groans

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

The undertaker, he was there, all wrapped up in a shroud
Swingin' from the chandelier, and peein' on the crowd

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

The village cripple, he was there, ah he could not do much
So he lined the ladies against the wall, and he did 'em with his crutch

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

Miss Mary Mcpherson was standin' way up front
Some posies in her hand, and a carrot in her c

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

The Village postman, he was there, but the poor man had the pox
He could not do the lassies, so he did the letter box

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all

The Village Magician, he was there, he gave us all a laugh
He pulled his foreskin over his head, and he vanished up his ass

Singin' balls to your partner, your ass against the wall
If ya never been had on a Saturday night, ya never been had at all