The Poodle Lecture (Live At Hordern Pavilion, Sydney/1976)

In the beginning, God made 'the light'
Shortly thereafte,r God made the poodle as you can see by this model in front of us
When God made the poodle initially
It was a very handsome sort of a dog
It had hair, hair, hair equally distributed over its charming, canine poodle-shaped body
Shortly after the constuction of the poodle itself
God made two big mistakes

The first one was called man
And the second one was called wo-man
Wo-man looketh upon the poodle
And sayeth unto her self
"This poodle with hair evenly distributed all over its body
Is of no use to me for it is not sleek
It is not stream-lined, it is not fashionable
And in many instances, it is repulsive
Because of the brown things attached to the hair on the rear part of the dog
And I must have this dog modified"

So, she turneth unto man, and sayeth unto man
"Sucker, go get a job"
And man, being the chap that he was
Went to fount and went to forth and lefteth the cave
And went into the world itself and goteth a job

Where upon he returneth to the cave with his money
And the wo-man looketh upon the money and said
"Sucker, take this money and go buy me a pair of scissors
Whereby I might clippeth upon this poodle
And modify-eth it to my own personal taste
And secret most innermost desires"
And the man, being the chap that he was
Went out and boughtrth the poodle-clipping shears
And brought them back to the wo-man
Unhandeth the shears to the wo-man
Where upon she grabbeth the poodle vastly

And with a death, swift, dense ecumenical patina of a stroke
She clippeth upon the poodle near the fat lap
All across the forex
In the medulla
And right near the capuchano, here
And stream-line that sucker until it looked just like this
With little feet sticking out
And a little ball on the end
Making the dags very easy to remove
And she puteth the poodle
In a quasar, erotic sort-of a position
Near where she was sprawled out on the cave

Stucketh her legeths up into the air buff like this
Exposing to the poodle the central core of her desire
And looked deep into the poodle's eyes
And said these piquant little words that we shall not soon forget