Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to L.A.
Toolin' along in my Cheverolet
Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
I heard that highway start to whine
And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
Kind of a red-neck lookin' joint called the "Dew Drop Inn"

Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me
And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up the station down the road a ways
And he said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have somone out there in just about ten minutes or so

He said, "Now, you just stay right where yer at!"
And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool
That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?"

Well he looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
These five big dudes come strollin' in
With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth

And I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son"
And when I did all that, hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night
Especially when there was three of them and only one of me

They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee

Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair
But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair
And said, "Watch him folks 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man!"

"Well you may not know it but this man is a spy
He's a undercover agent for the FBI
And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"

He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee
But everybody else was looking and listening to me
And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went

I said, "Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
And he voted for George McGovern for President"

"But he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!
I betchya he's even got a commie flag
Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys
He may look dumb but that's just a disguise
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started lookin' real suspicious at him
He jumped up and said, "Now just wait a minute Jim!
You know he's lying, I been living here all of my life!"

"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church
And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started saying somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run outta luck

When I hit the ground, I was making tracks
And they were just taking my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a 20 and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti would'a sure been proud
Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot

Now I guess I should have gone ahead and run
But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot

Well they headed for their car, but I hit the gas
And spun around and headed them off at the pass
I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air

I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin'
Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin'
But I figured I had better go
And split before the cops got there

When I hit the road, I was really wheelin'
Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'
And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas

Well I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to L.A., via Omaha