Outro (feat. Father Guido Sarducci) [Skit]

Yeah but sometimes, you see, it's not that easy, you know what I mean?
Not all the cupcakes and Jesus juice like you might assume
Yeah a lot of times, I'll admit it, it's not easy being handsome
Being a model, being a graduate even of the Handsome Boy Modeling School
'Cause they, they pick on you, they make you
You know say, "You gotta go on the runway"
Then two minutes later, you have to change and go again

And the restroom is full, yeah, but they, you know you have
Can't get into the restrooms then they say
"You walk so slow this time, you, steps, uh, too tiny"
This what they say, "Tiny steps"
Well yes, tiny steps, you eh walk with your legs crossed together
Tiny steps if you couldn't get into the restroom

What do you want, you know? I said, "Let me go in last"
If, for instance, there is some, eh, problem, you know, on the stage
If, if there is, no, no one will slip on it, is what I'm saying
You know what I mean?
So let me go on last, they says

"No, you have to, mister Zack has to go on last to take the big bow"
You know, like he did something
You know what I mean? He stole everybody else's clothes designs
What? He takes the bow, he slips, it's not my fault, it
It was so crowded they couldn't get into the men's room
And I should get paid, it's all I know

Since I've graduated, I uh, I got to say uh, I will say nine out of ten jobs
Just, just, you know, just marvelous, everybody so nice to you
They, they can't treat you better but every once a while you run into, like
This jerk, you know, like mister Zack
You know, and he slips on the runway and says it's all my fault
When you can't even get into the restroom, 'cause there's too many people lined up
And they say, "You're on the runway next"

Yeah, sometimes it gets to be a little lonely
Alone in the hotel room when you just waiting for a show to come up
They, they pick you up at the airport and then they say
"Just see you in the morning"
Then they don't even make no plans for you to go some place

And you gotta go there and there's so many people
They give you clothes, half the time they don't even fit
And then, it's just all the jealousy 'cause, you know, if you're handsome
And that and other ones, they
They treat you, you know, somehow like they jealous of you
Just cause, you know, you're a little more handsome then them

And then they, they eat all of the food
They eat, there's no food left, you know
They say, "Jesus juice", very funny
You know, they have the Jesus juice
It's a terrible wine, they just call it to make it glamorous or something
And the food stinks, usually, this, this junk, you know?
Even, even if you like to eat, you couldn't eat it

Then they said they gonna pick you up to take you back to the airport
They don't even show, they have, they, they, they, said, they, you know
"The hotel's got the van, you could go"
They said they would pick me up
Why do I have the van? And they don't reimburse you, like they say
They say, "Well you ate so much", you know, I don't know

I like to, and then the catalogs, they don't even send it to you
When you done with them
You know, like who wants me anyway, what?
They say they gonna have a hair stylist there, there ain't no hair stylist, you know?
One, maybe, yes, for what, 50 people, you know what I mean?
"You gotta bring your own scissors too"
They say, they have, they misplaced my scissors

What? Whoever heard of a hair stylist has no scissors?
They say, "We just style it, we don't cut it"
What? In Italy, they have to cut, you know what I mean?
A barber is a what, a hair stylist, it means barber
No, what, you mean, no cut?
My own mousse? What? Think I have my own mousse?
I have no mousse

Sometimes, like, if you, if you wet and then you socks get wet
Then you have no other socks with you, you know what I mean?
Turn them inside out? No, doesn't work
They say, "Change your socks," they say
Yes, the one for two dollar one? What?
I have no, deh, in the hotel room
It's 50 miles from here out near the boondocks
And they put you next to a place near Sears, I go to Sears for breakfast

You know, once I was a model for socks
And I thought, you know, this is a good, eh, modeling for socks, it's good
You don't have to, you know eh
Get all cleaned up the night before, you know
That's one good thing, you know, you could go unshaved and that
Then they says, "Well, you can't do shoes"
I say, "What?"

They say, "No, if you, if you did socks, then you can't be model for shoes
That's the rules"
Who says this? Who makes these things up?
That if you're a sock model, you can't do shoes
You have to, only the shoe models can do shoes
This is just makes me sick

I just, I just turned down a job
They said they were looking for a handkerchief model
I say, "I could do it." They says, "What, you left handed or right handed?"
I says, "Right handed", they says, "No, you have to be left handed"
I said I could do it, they says, "No, you says you was right handed"

I says, "I made a mistake, I'm left handed", they says, "Prove it"
How am I gonna prove this, you know what I mean?
So I take my handkerchief off from my left hand, right?
They said, "You didn't do that very smooth"
I say, "Okay, lemme try again"
They say, "Why do you have to try again? You left handed, you do it"
I said, "Just shut up and gimme the uh, the Kleenex
Let me show you with Kleenex

I won't ruin another one of my hankies"
Anyway, I'm just, I don't know what that did