Single

No one tells you how you ought to live
No one glares when you do jello shooters
Jello
No one says that you're insensitive
cause her birthday meal took place at Hooters
Hooters
No one tells you that your bald spot's grown
Or that you ought to tone your flab
Tone your flab
So pour a double gin
Here's to your double chin
Yeah, start the party
Start a tab
Cause you're
Single
You are
Single
And you'll keep staying single if you're smart
If you are smart
Yeah, you're single
You are single
No chick will ever moonwalk on your heart
Moonwalk on your heart
Trust me
This is when the good times really start
No one minds the laundry on your floor
No one pouts with every chick you look at
No one tries to clean your porno drawer
No one traps you with
"Does my ass look fat?"
Bust a move in womens's underwear
While you're blasting Cher or Wham
Cher or Wham!
So fill your ranger's cup
The toilet seat stays up
The fridge gets stocked with beer and spam
Cause you're
Single
You are
Single
Not a care in the world can bother you
Can bother you
You are single
You are single
You can do what you've always wanted to
Always wanted to
Well, no commitments
Cause you're only passing through
Yo, making a date with some needy girl
Is a waste of my time and my Jheri Curl
I don't need a girl who don't understand
When I got a date with my left hand
Well, I like the ladies, heaven knows
But in the words in Nietzsche, "Bro's before Ho's"
Now, I don't like a girl who'll cry and bawl
In fact, I never liked girls at all
Sammy, George, Ricky and Bum
I'm starting to see where you're coming from
Cause I'm
Single
Oh, yeah
Single
I'll behave like a dude's meant to behave
Meant to behave
Always single
Ever single
Single now and till I'm in my grave
Single till I am lying in my grave
Though at times I might want someone to hold me tight
And promise me that everything'll be all right
I'll stay single till I'm rotting slowly in my lonely forgotten grave