Best Friend - Original Broadway Cast/2000

She's a little bit pal
She's a little bit foe
She's a little bit slick
She's a little bit slow
Who's gorgeous to the cuticle?
Whose looks ain't pharmaceutical?
I'm all this and she's all that
She's all dog and I'm all cat
But underneath the fur and fat
You're lookin' at my best friend

She's a little bit stale
She's a little bit fresh
She's a lotta bit ice
She's a lotta bit flesh

I always do the mothering-
Yes, some would call it smothering-
Different as the day and night-
Opposite as wrong and right-
Together we make dynamite
Hold on tight
For my best friend!

So you're still shakin' it down in the Bowry
Ain't they retired you yet?
You know, Kate, it's such a shame that with all of that money you earn
You gotta spend it on the love you can't get

What'll be tonight's special? Let me guess
'Queenie In Distress' again
Kate, the icebox is jealous of me
And my nat'ral success with men (Yeah, right)

I calls it like I sees it-
(She never tells the truth)
She's a little bit dumb-
She's a little bit old-
She's a little bit cheap-
A little cold
A little soft
A lotta heart

She's a lotta luv-luvva-luvva-love
She's good for a bail
I'm great for a laugh
She's my evil twin
I'm her better half

She cuts through all the gin and jive-
She always makes me feel alive-
Stickin' through the blood and gore-
Call it love or civil war-
What we got is something more-
Thank heaven and hell for
My best friend!