The Winner

The hulk of a man with a beer in his hand
He looked like a drunk old fool
And I knew if I hit him right
Well, I could knock him off of that stool
But everybody, they said, "Watch out
Hey, that's Tiger Man McCool
He's had the whole lotta fights
And he's always come out the winner"
Yeah, he's a winner

But I had myself about five too many
And I walked up tall and proud
I faced his back and I faced the fact
That he had never stooped or bowed
I said, "Tiger Man, you're a pussycat"
And a hush fell on the crowd
I said, "Let's you and me go outside and see who's a winner"

Well he gripped the bar with one big hairy hand
Then he braced against the wall
He slowly looked up from his beer
And, my God, that man was tall
He said, "Boy, I see you're a scrapper
So just before you fall
I'm gonna tell you just a little
'Bout what it means to be a winner"

He said, "Now you see these bright white smilin' teeth
You know they ain't my own
Mine rolled away like Chiclets
Down the street in San Antone
But I left that person cursin', nursin' seven broken bones
And, uh, he only broke, uh, three of mine and
That makes me the winner"

He said, "Now behind this grin I got a steel pin
That holds my jaw in place
A trophy of my most successful motorcycle race
And each morning when I wake and touch
This scar across my face
It reminds me of all I got by bein' a winner

Now this broken back was a dyin' act
Of a handsome Harry Clay
That sticky Cincinnati night, I stole his wife away (beat it)
But that woman, she gets uglier
And she gets meaner every day
But I got her, boy
And that's what makes me a winner"

He said, "You gotta speak loud when you challenge me, son
'Cause it's hard for me to hear
With this twisted neck and these migraine pains
And this big ole cauliflower ear
And if it wasn't for this glass eye of mine
Why, I'd shed a happy tear
To think of all that you gonna get by bein' a winner

I got arthritic elbows, boy
I got dislocated knees
From pickin' fights with thunderstorms
And chargin' into trees
And my nose been broke so often
I might lose if I sneeze
And, son, you say you still wanna be a winner?

Now, you remind me a lot of my younger days
With your knuckles a-clenchin' white
But, boy, I'm gonna sit right here and sip this beer all night
And if there's somethin' that you gotta gain or prove
By winnin' some silly fight
Well, okay, I quit; I lose
You're the winner"

So I stumbled from that barroom
Not so tall and not so proud
And behind me, I still hear the hoots of laughter of the crowd
But my eyes still see and my nose still works
And my teeth are still in my mouth
And you know, I guess that makes me
The winner