Internal War

I never contemplated from adolescence to a man
Why I'm so quiet, with little friends
Could the reason be I'm whispering to spirits?
Apparitions inside my head
I tried fighting off the demons
Until they showed me what I needed
Conjuring emotions and violent solutions
I let them burrow deeper and possess a part of me

Now I am one with the damned
They're fuckin' tempting me
The tension keeps rising
Tell me it's alright to make wreckless decisions
Assert my vengeance

I want to force them to feel what it's like to be
Still covered in the scars of past oppressors
Fortunately, I healed faster indulging in grief
Still, I'll never forgive what was done to me

My escape in empty highways
A simple pen serves well as my weapon
After being held captive
Slightly considering death
Once one thing I loved was robbed from me

Slicing a knife through the wrist was the first and final attempt
Leaving behind the mental abuse and emotional stress
I'm harmed, but finally free
When I think about it, I don't need help
I just inflicted scars to watch myself bleed
Maybe to realize how damaged I am internally
No longer suppressing memories
The past had to be released!

I'm not miserable now
Still, you couldn't handle what transpires within my dreams
Incessant rambling, horrific crime scenes
If there was a god, he's punishing me
If there was a god, he's punishing me
For years of defiance and blasphemy

Where was my calm before or after the storm?
Where was my calm before or after the storm?
Even when I reach R-E-M, my mind is still at war
Even when I reach R-E-M, my mind is still at war
War!