What Do You Do with a B.A. in English (Avenue Q)

Brian:
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college,
And plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree!
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race!

Kate:
Morning Brian!

Brian:
Hi, Kate Monster

Kate:
How's life?

Brian:
Disappointing

Kate:
What's the matter?

Brian:
The catering company laid me off

Kate:
Oh, I'm sorry

Brian:
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm 10 years out of college,
And I always thought...

Kate:
What?

Brian:
No it sounds stupid.

Kate:
Oh c'mon!

Brian:
When I was little,
I thought I would be,
A big comedian on late-night TV!
But now I'm 32 and as you can see,
I'm not, oh well,
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33!
It sucks to be me!

Kate:
You think your life sucks?

Brian:
I think so

Kate:
Your problems aren't so bad
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart.

Brian:
You are.

Kate:
Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart,
So why don't I have a boyfriend?
FUCK!
It sucks to be me!

Brian:
Me too!

Kate:
It sucks to be me!

Brian:
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be Brian

Kate:
And Kate

Brian:
To not have a job

Kate:
To not have a date

Both:
It sucks to be me!

Rod/Nicky arguing

Brian:
Hey Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us if you have a second?

Rod:
Oh, certainly

Kate:
Whose life sucks more, Brian's or mine?

Rod and Nicky:
OURS!

Rod:
We live together

Nicky:
We're close as people can get

Rod:
We've been the best of buddies

Nicky:
Ever since the day we met

Rod:
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset! Oh!
Every day is an aggravation

Nicky:
Come on that's an exaggeration

Rod:
You leave your clothes out,
You put your feet on my chair

Nicky:
Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!

Rod:
You make that very small apartment we share, a hell!

Brian:
So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!

Rod:
It sucks to be me!

Nicky:
No it sucks to be me!

Kate:
It sucks to be me!

Brian:
It sucks to be me!

All:
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!

Christmas Eve:
Why you all so happy?

Brian:
'Cause our lives suck!

Christmas Eve:
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country, for opportunities,
Try to work in Korean deli,
But I a Japanese!
But with hard work I earned two master degrees!
In social work,
And now I am therapist!
But I have no clients!
And I have unemployed fiancé,
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka,
Sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka,
Sucka, sucka, sucka, suck!
It suck to be me!

Princeton:
Uh excuse me,
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live

Christmas Eve:
Why you looking out here?

Princeton:
Well, I started in Avenue A,
But so far everything's out of my price range,
But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper.
Oh and look a for rent sign!

Brian:
You need to talk to the superintendent,
Let me get him.

Princeton:
Great! Thanks!

Brian:
YO GARY!

Gary Coleman:
I'm coming! I'm coming!

Princeton:
Oh my God it's Gary Coleman!

Gary:
Yes I am!
I'm Gary Coleman,
From TVs diff'rent strokes.
I made a lot of money,
That got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes!
But I'm here, the superintendent
On Avenue Q!

All:
It sucks to be you!

Kate:
You win!

All:
It sucks to be you!

Brian:
I feel better now!

Gary:
Try having people stopping you to ask you,
Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?
It gets old.

All:
It sucks to be you!
On Avenue Q!
Sucks to be me!
On Avenue Q!
Sucks to be you
On Avenue Q
Sucks to be us
But not when were together!
We're together here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too,
Till our dreams come true!
We live on Avenue Q

Princeton:
This is real life!

All:
We live on Avenue Q

Nicky:
You're gonna love it!

All:
We live on Avenue Q

Gary:
Here's your keys!

All:
Welcome, to Avenue Q!