Quest for the Golden Frog (Tom Caruana Remix)

Attention, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Professor Elemental recommends
My lecture, meant for special friends,
Attend my adventure to the very end.

My quest was risky, my role was odd,
I set out for the mystic golden frog!
It was the stuff of legends,
Said to give the bearer a glimpse of Heaven.
Plus, it was quite shiny, so in preparation

First I drew a map from my imagination,
Packed my battenberg and my absinthe, marmoquin
Blunderbuss, and my collapsing magic staff!
Plus a tea-pot and some proper grey,
Stoke the fire, set the bellows,
Come on fellows, chocks away!

AH-HAH! To find the frog...

HEY YOU!
Pack your bags, it's time to trip,
With the good Professor so ride the ship,
Exotic dancer third, then scientist,
Explorer first, so I enlist...
YOU!

Pack your bags, it's time to trip,
With the good Professor so ride the ship,
Exotic dancer third, then scientist,
But explorer first...

Week one:
Crash-landed near Tanzania,
Surrounded by savages in rabbit ears.
Before you could say 'My good man, how queer',
I held aloft my magic spear!
'In the name of the empire, bring me the frog'!
Amazingly, they made me their king or their god,
I didn't think this was odd until we got to the volcano,
Hotter than my stage show, time for me to lay low!

Week two:
I used my string to tie bamboo poles,
A useful thing, I roll in to surf the rising tide,
I feel alive like a viking, time to ride to the ship
In a storm, how exciting!
Let's take to the skies with the power of lightning!

Launch the nets Geoffery!
It's going to be a rough ride...

HEY YOU!
Pack your bags, it's time to trip,
With the good Professor so ride the ship,
Exotic dancer third, then scientist,
Explorer first, so I enlist...
YOU!

Week three:
No closer to finding the frog,
But I had an absinthe party,
With the Munchkins of Oz!
No trouble to come in to land,
For opium, tea and mushrooms in Wonderland

And this is something grand,
From London to Australia, my cunning plan,
Was completely and utterly unsuccessful,
So I left to go settle back at home with my kettle.

For the rest I need,
You'll never guess what was hiding under the settee!
Yes! It's the frog! Oh, pardon me,
I forgot, I won it in a wager last week!