Ireland

Love!
You're lost without your love.
Your heart is on the floor.
I can help you, I been there before.
When I need to relax,
I just put on some tracks
From this CD I bought for the store.
Isn't that relaxing? It's called "Celtic Moods."
See my mom was three quarters Italian,
And my father I never knew.
But my grandfather came from... Ireland!
The land where dreams come true!
ELLE (dubious)
Ireland?
PAULETTE (confident)
Ireland!
He said all Irish men are like heroes.
They're descended from poets and kings.
So I swore I'd get married in Ireland,
In a wedding like Lord of the Rings.
And my redheaded groom: I could see 'im!
As we stroll past the churches and farms,
He's a sailor named ...Brendan! ...or Liam!
He can dance without movin' his arms.
In a bar once I met this guy Dewey.
And he bought me like fourteen beers.
And he told me that he was from Ireland.
And I lived with him ten years.
And my wedding? He kept on postponing.
Still I followed him 'round, in a fog,
Til he left with some skank he'd been boning,
Took my savings and took my dog.
My grandfather shoulda just shut it!
Ev'ry story he told me steered me wrong.
All the dreams that he gave me got gutted.
All that's left is this weird Enya song.
But hey, you should not give up on Ireland:
Just be careful you don't get played.
And don't drink til you're tearing your top off,
And you flash the St. Patrick's Day Parade.
See a smart girl like you has a future.
You have hope, as each new day dawns.
Girls like you always get to see Ireland.
Send my love to the leprechauns.