It's a Big Old Goofy World

About a year ago I was sitting around
Helping my ma finish a crossword puzzle
And there was this little thing on the back
Of the crossword puzzle book
It had a bunch of similes, like sly as a fox
Busy as a bee, and you were supposed to fill in the blanks

So me and her started fillin' 'em in and we got to
Laughing about some of them, and she started telling me
Of something that once she heard when she was a kid in Kentucky
And they're unmentionable
But I didn't forget about it, and I took that page out of the book
And kept it in my back pocket for a while

And I started collecting these similes
'Cause it seemed odd to me that somebody could sing like an angel
But eat like a horse
So I let this kind of simmer for about a year
And I sat down last Sunday and wrote this song

Originally this song was gonna be called
"When the world was flat as a pancake, Mona Lisa was happy as a clam"
But I opted for a different one here
It's just called, "It's a Big Old Goofy World"

Up in the morning
Work like a dog
Is better than sitting
Like a bump on a log

Mind all your manners
Be quiet as a mouse
Someday you'll own a home
That's as big as a house

I know a fella
He eats like a horse
Knocks his old balls
'Round the old golf course

You oughta see his wife
She's a cute little dish
She smokes like a chimney
And drinks like a fish

There's a big old goofy man
Dancing with a big old goofy girl
Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world

Now Elvis had a woman
With a head like a rock
I wished I had a woman
That made my knees knock

She'd sing like an angel
And eat like a bird
And if I wrote a song
She'd know every single word

There's a big old goofy man
Dancing with a big old goofy girl
Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world

Kiss a little baby
Give the world a smile
If you take an inch
Give 'em back a mile

'Cause if you lie like a rug
And you don't give a damn
You're never gonna be
As happy as a clam

So I'm sitting in a hotel
Trying to write a song
My head is just as empty
As the day is long

Why it's clear as a bell
I should have gone to school
I'd be wise as an owl
Instead of stubborn as a mule

There's a big old goofy man
Dancing with a big old goofy girl
Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world
Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world

Thank you very much