Love Yourself Parody

This is a song that I wrote about my ex
Yeah that's right it's me, it's Selena Gomez
Even though we broke up I still want to have sex
"No!"
Then why the hell are you still here in my bed?
"Good question!"

This sounds just like an Ed Sheeran song
Cos I'm too busy apologizing to write songs alone so
Called this red-haired weirdo
Cos he knows how to write a hit
Even though he looks like a drunk troll doll and Rupert Grint
Hooked up and a had a kid

Just said, Ed let's write a tune it will be fun
And I knew if it was a hit I'd make a ton
So even though he's kind of a douche
I wrote him this pretty song
But he's so dumb
He got the meaning of it wrong

What do you mean? I know what it's about
It's about learning how to love yourself
Because sometimes you can't convince your ex
To bone you, so you have to love yourself

I need to find myself some privacy
Cos I can't wait to get back to loving me
"Are you serious?"
Dude the lyric "Love yourself" doesn't mean masturbate
"Ai yi yi"
Mister Bieber! Oh my God it's the maid

Guess I better put my dong away
Now my maid is traumatized so I better give her a big tip
I already got it
Shit now all of my lotion's gone
And my hand's dry so I need something to rub my dick with
Hey, I'll check the kitchen

If you're coming in here you better not be nude
I'm just looking for something I can use as lube
Justin that's not what this song's about!
By the way why are you still here
In my house?
"Good question!"
Listen see, this song is about

I'm sorry that I screamed I've changed my mind
Mister Bieber show me your ding-a-ling
"What the hell"
Justin surprise It's me, you're dad, I need more money
Damn what do you feed that thing?
"Wow!"

Dad please stop staring at my cock and balls
It's not fair yours is so big, mine is so small
"Dad that's really weird"
Aren't you kind of scared of that thing?
"No, not at all"
"Oh my God"
I think I finally understand this song

Mister Bieber you can have sex with me
Cos then you will not have to love yourself
Argh, I want to kill myself!

Justin I've decided we should get back together
I love you and no one else
Selena you're a bitch and I found someone better
So you can go fuck yourself