Moments - feat. Suzi Q. Smith

There are moments
I remember when I started to step out
You would hold me and kiss me, hard, on the mouth
You were even jealous of my cigarette habit
Determined to be my only addiction

There are moments
When I miss you so sincerely
I can nearly forgive you
Bowdlerizing chapters I would rather forget
Hammer out and polish a better version

There are moments
That bring your name erupting from my lips
Abruptly as our end
I'm still calling for you, I'm still calling him you

There are moments
I think it would be easier if you were dead
There'd be no wondering then
I'd bury "us" with you
Let worms work your flesh the way I used to
Unflinching and thorough

There are moments
When I still worry about you
Do you hate yourself enough for the both of us?
Do you punish yourself, or your new girlfriends?
I worry about them...

I am consumed with guilt
For not giving you a proper ending
Pressing firmly upon your larynx
Until you are no longer dangerous
Until your thrashing resigns

I am reminded, bitterly and completely
That I love you
I slap patches of other men to my skin, it's not the same
But it helps keep me at least twelve steps away
From my vicious addiction to you

And as with any bad habit
The very passion between us turned to poison
And you couldn't stop and I couldn't stop you
You couldn't stop even when I begged you to
Your unrelenting fervor tore me right in two
And now parts of me will always be stained
The color of you

There are moments
I wonder if you can still smell my blood on the wind
Does your memory of me make your veins itch?
Will it make you come calling?
Will I answer?
Withdrawal cradling my wits, I can't be bothered
As I attempt to suckle from absolutes
Self-righteous in the pretense that I know what I'd do

But there are moments
I long to relapse toward your furious embrace
The nape of my neck still longs for your face
I remember once upon a time
It was sweet