Sweating Blood

I wasn't trying to be difficult
When I collapsed on the floor and couldn't get up
I don't know if I can bear this cup
I don't know how long I can keep sweating blood
I'm getting tired
Of being old for my age
The light burns like a fire
When I'm up on this stage

Why do so many girls seem to asking
If I'm willing to commit suicide for my family?
As if it's not love if I can't pay the price
As if I'm not like Christ if I don't hate my life
What if I'm real?
What if it's not a pull?
What if I'm not a steal?
What if I'm hatable?

How could I dare to write a poem
If I can't pay the mortgage on my home?
How could I care about my soul
If I'm not filling the masculine role?
Honey, making art?
Honey, how could you sleep?
You're behaving like a child
With children to feed

Why is no one impressed
Until I turn around with my paycheck?
Until I pay my bills and can afford
To not need anyone else anymore
Do you even care
If I die inside
Or do you just want
A responsible family man's respectable life?

I always wanted to be like Christ
But I can't live my life on the firing line

I always wanted a family to feed
But I'm not gonna burn my poetry

I always wanted a wife to adore
But I won't die up on this white horse

I won't give up the ghost
I won't abort my unborn soul

I won't give up the ghost
I won't abort my unborn soul

I won't give up the ghost
I won't abort my unborn soul

I won't give up the ghost
I won't abort my unborn soul