Car Crash

It was problematic at best to perceive existence
Through the myopic lens I embedded into myself
The lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery
And all she begged for was deliverance
Soft, eloquent passages that provided closure
Not answers, just closure

I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass
And that looked enough like a vase that it would pass
And she would accept it
And have a way to keep her roses watered and alive again

But I was broken, prized among the lackluster thieves
Immune to pain and pain by immunity
She beckoned me, she lessened me
Because no other love would accommodate my blindfold so easily

And I was afraid of change
But I was afraid of not changing
And I was afraid of change
But I was afraid of not changing

A quick flood of blood infecting my brain
Dashboard you, dashboard blank slate
My narrow lens no longer mattered, no longer weighed in
And neither did your fear, or your insecurities, or your smile

That moment, three seconds of uncertainty, fate circumvented a concrete divider
Followed by six seconds of nervous prayer, nervous cursing, nervous something
Just as poisonous as the snake, it came from
The oppression presented my lies, those Godforsaken lies
Limited me even more

Seven seconds of promising myself
Promising myself that if I survived
I would stop bargaining, I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time
I would stop neglecting civil spiritual and personal duties or promises
One or the other, they both seemed likely at that point

Two seconds; the longest two seconds I've ever experienced of lying to myself
Lying to my God and lying to you
The words "I promise" seemed so trite, so inaccurate

Sirens ended the charade and began the investigation
Seated on the cold end of a wooden table
I shouted, "This is who I was but not who I am"
I assured them, mistakes were to be made, but lessons were to be learned
I always thought that's what life was
Just a collection of moments intended for lessons
Or a collection of lessons looking for moments to fulfill them

So foolish a passenger caught up in this accident
Nothing mattered beyond the fact
That I was broken and hurting and damaged physically
And I praise God that I was a survivor
That's when I heard the fate of the driver

Three seconds later, closure, not answers
Just closure
Lost in the wreckage is a soul ascended, I loved you
Lost in the wreckage is a soul ascended, I love you
And every day, I wish we could trade places