20 Years

Started swimming my way to the center
I've been playing to my pleasure receptors
I've been pardoning people for their behavior
I'm somewhere between a sellout and a savior
My days a series of carefully planned distractions
Deep thoughts and slightly delayed reactions
All of these marks on my skin are burnt and scratches
Everything is so much better in my absence

I feel so unappreciated for my absence
And I pull myself apart providing people access
And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious
And it's been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it
What's the arbitrary value of my ashes
'Cause I'm ninety-nine percent sure life is filled with nonsense
And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience
I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction

Lazy and lonely for the long-term
Heartburn I think I took the wrong turn
And frankly I'm confused by my surroundings
But I've found things to keep me grounded
I'm unprepared and unadjusted
Slowly been betrayed by all the people that I trusted
Can't wait 'till the day that the universe does me justice
It could be days, it could be months, it could be hundreds

I feel so unappreciated for my absence
And I pull myself apart providing people access
And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious
And it's been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it
What's the arbitrary value of my ashes
'Cause I'm ninety-nine percent sure life is filled with nonsense
And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience
I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction
I never quite knew how to deal with pain well
That's why I spent the last two years destroying all my brain cells
I'm walking on a narrow path of needles, pins, and eggshells
And I can feel my spirit leave my body when I exhale
I can communicate with those beyond the grave
'Cause honestly I've died a bit over the years myself in many ways
I am a pessimistic particle of hate
No, I'm not the type of person you should talk to every day

Swam as fast as I could, but now it's over
A simple man with a stomach of a soldier
There were casualties, maybe hundreds in total
I'll let them know I'm the one who slit their throat

I feel so unappreciated for my absence
And I pull myself apart providing people access
And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious
And its been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it
What's the arbitrary value of my ashes
'Cause I'm ninety-nine percent sure life is filled with nonsense
And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience
I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction
I never quite knew how to deal with pain well
That's why I spent the last two years destroying all my brain cells
I'm walking on a narrow path of needles, pins, and eggshells
And I can feel my spirit leave my body when I exhale
I can communicate with those beyond the grave
I can communicate with those beyond the grave
I can communicate with those beyond the grave, with those beyond the grave