Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty, who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of gay
'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Small and brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
'Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown (mhmm)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you
I can make a Mr. Hankey too

Well, Kyle, where is he?
Eeh, he's coming
Come on, dude, push!
Eeh, I'm trying
Wait, wait, I can see his head
Here he comes
Howdy Ho!

I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Season's Greetings to all of you
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now, before I melt away

Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho-ho, yum-yum-yum
Christmas time has come

Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he's practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And won't fall in the toilet, 'cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he won't drop off and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet, and finally it does

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Christmas leaves, he must leave too
Flush him down, but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on

Howdy Ho!