Ducking

I remember like it was yesterday
On the bed, legs crossed, typing T9
She hit me up, quizzing me like, what we doing tonight
I told her dinner and a movie if she had the time
She said she only had a couple hours (That's enough)
I said that's fine, the night is still ours (Live it up)
She had to stress to me again how bad she wanted to stay
Prior engagements, they mandate the night to end that way
Goddamn I wanna see her, damn I wanna please her
Damn she said she thinks that I'm the one and I believe her
Said she made plans, I gotta substitute
I'll make you stay, even if I gotta sit on you
I should've looked, didn't know what to expect
Another victim of that autocorrect
Didn't mean to add a consonant, I swear it's the truth
Because I accidentally sent, I'm gonna shit on you
Not what I typed out with my fingertips
We not that far in the relationship
I never heard from her again though
I guess it really ain't a smart phone

I had a similar experience
In the gym, pumping iron, getting ripped, you know
Reps of 20, sets of 10, man I'm putting on a show
When outta nowhere, get a message from a woman I know
It's my mom, she informed me that my aunt had passed
Suddenly I grow cold, reminiscing 'bout the past
Trying to remember which of my words to her were the last
Have a crisis, realizing man, that time goes fast
2 states away, don't know what to say
Can't make it out there for at least a couple days
Tryna think of anything I can say for some comfort
While all I think about is how my days are numbered
Getting ready to send out all my condolences
But I was on the bike, should've been focusing
Cuz while I meant to say I'm sorry for your loss
I accidentally sent, I'm gonna shit on you

I don't understand how it happened
It's not even close to the original text
By the way my darling mom never replied
She got me anxious now for what comes next
I mean wouldn't I have had to type that before
I really don't think that I've typed that before
And when I'm trying to type shit, it won't
But now that I'm trying not to, it does

How on earth could I forget it?
3PM at my dead end job
Boss says I gotta work late (Bullshit)
And come into the office on a Saturday (That's it)
I start texting, bout to learn his lesson
Depression, one of many feelings I'm expressing
I said he was adopted and a doormat
Wifey's gonna leave him, take the kids and never come back, damn
Stroll in the next day into his office
When I'm confronted by my two other bosses
They said, who the hell you think you were talking to?
Looked at my phone and it said, I'm gonna shit on you
I yelled, autocorrect, they start cracking up
That's apparently the kind of humor make em laugh it up
What a hilarious prank, they said, and shook my hand
Gave me a raise, now I'm upper middle management
I'm gonna die here

Whether it's your girl, your mom, a dead end job
Go into settings and you turn that shit off
We shouldn't trust the machines
They're learning