My Father's a Homo / Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist

My father's a homo, my mother's not thrilled at all
Father homo, what about chromosomes?
Do they carry? Will they carry? Who's the hobo now?
My father said that one day I'll grow up to be president
And that idea's not so wild
I don't need the life of a normal child

Because I'm too smart for my own good
And I'm too good for my sorry little life
My mother's no wife
And my father's no man, no man at all

Honey, why don't you go out and play? (No)
Sweetheart, I worry, sweetheart, I do
I worry a lot, I worry a lot, I worry a lot
I could take you to the Jewish center (ehh)
I think you'll like playing chess alone
That's not normal (what is normal?)
I wouldn't know
Why don't you speak on the telephone with anyone?
Just get a friend, anyone!

Darling, please see a psychiatrist
He's quite a guy, and I admire how he acts
No one is saying you're a sick neurotic, but you could find some help
Hear me out, please, yes, you could find some help
He could help you realize
How confused you are is very clear
Daddy's sincere, but a schmo!
You and I must trust our emotions, make no commotions, will you go?
No!

Jason, please see a psychiatrist
He's just a psychiatrist
I'll pay the bill until you're old
Jason, please see a psychiatrist (darling please listen to your father here) (i'll not go)
He's just a psychiatrist (he's not a genius type, Lord knows, but he knows what's true)
I'll pay the bill until you're old (he chose a man who I think knows the answers to all your problems)
(Never, never, never, never, never)
Understands what's bothering you (forget it!)
What a mess this is, this family
Experts can see this is so
Photographs can't capture our magic
We're simply tragic

Will you go?
No
Jason, please see a psychiatrist
He's not
I won't say boo
Exorbitant
And he's very smart
If intelligence were the only criterion
Then I really wouldn't need a psychiatrist, would I?
No
Would I?
No
Just because you failed as parents?
Jet thee to a psychiatrist!

Hey, kid, listen!
I don't need
He needs a psychiatrist!
I want
A psychiatrist!
I want to speak with Whizzer!
Speak with whom?
With Whizzer!
With Whizzer! With Whizzer! With Whizzer!
Oh, my God
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!

Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?
I'm not sure, Jason
Ow
Jason, maybe so (hmm-mm)
Absolutely, Jason
Okay, I'll go
He'll go, I'll go
He'll go
If he comes here
If he comes here
He might come here
They don't make house calls
Oh