My 3 Addictions

My three addictions
Won't get me criminal convictions
You can laugh and pooh-pooh
But if you have them too
You know they're quite serious afflictions
My three addictions

My first one is to food
I should eat more things that are good
But if it's bad, I'll still eat it
You don't even have to reheat it

Because it's one of my addictions
And I've got three
Oh, my addictions are so good to me

My second one is to movies
And most folks say, "Hey, movies is groovy"
But when you're like me, you need that really pure stuff
And they just don't make enough

To satisfy this addiction
And I've got three
Oh, my addictions are getting to me

They're not as sexy as heroin
But they're as dangerous as crack rock
Everybody has got theirs
And I'm just taking stock

My third one is to girls who won't date me
I'm not talking 'bout girls who hate me
They think I'm alright and they're not fakin'
But they're already taken

You've got a boyfriend? That's cool
You've got a girlfriend on the side too
Well, that's two reasons you won't have me
I wish I was more savvy

So I could see through my addictions
My three addictions

Said, my three addictions
Won't get me criminal convictions
You can laugh and pooh-pooh
But if you have them too
You know what it's like