Out of Focus

I thought it might help if I could try limiting
All of my thoughts to meaningless little things
So I'd get hung up on some letter you wrote me
Go outside, imagine the weather in Tokyo

But I'd get dragged down by the slightest connection
Just fly off the tracks to some recollection
Of a casual mention of a trip 'round the planet
A phone call that I didn't get when you'd landed

And how I still waited for you
When you told me not to

Still remember the things that you chose to leave out of focus
Admire, compose, and pretend not to notice
And in all of your messages, the intimate care that you
Took to show you didn't wish I was there with you

And I don't know why I thought I could estimate
How many cars could fit on the Golden Gate
And not think of when we first crossed it together
You said "fuck San Francisco and its shitty weather"

But I kind of thought it was nice
Why couldn't you just let something be nice?

And yeah, of course I know what kind of beer we were drinking last Christmas
When I asked you those things that were none of my business
And I think I called you a liar but actually
I was just mad that you wouldn't yell back at me

And I never thanked you for that
So thanks
That's all you're gonna get

Now it's been a long time, it's almost even easy
I get days, even weeks where you vanish completely
And I know I'm free now of hating or wanting you
I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you
I hate that I still understand what I saw in you