The Legend of Loco Chanel (And the Blood Red Dress)

Once in a lifetime
There will rise a hero
Who's approaching footsteps
Will cause the earth to quake
Once in a lifetime
They'll baptize a hero
In the blood she left in her wake
The legend of Loco Chanelle

I'll sing a story now of way out West
Of Madame Loco and the blood red dress
And of the man who didn't treat her right
You see that dress, well it started out white
She was the sweetest thing you'd ever seen
Raised on a cattle ranch in Southey Green
She was a beauty queen in '79
And spent her summers on the Greyhound line (Loco)

But she knew that every queen must have a crown
So she set off to a place called London Town
Where streets are paved with gold and lit with dreams
And magpies come to gather all that gleams
A simple girl, she never traveled far
But in her heart there burned a superstar
She'd hit 'em hard and swore she'd give 'em hell
The legend of (Loco Chanelle)

She'd not a single friend to count upon (Loco Chanelle)
Until in Camden met a man named John (Loco Chanelle)
He liked her lipstick and he loved her wig
He told her, "Babydoll, I'll make you big"
Stick with me kiddo and the city's yours
The fame, the fortune, the perpetual applause
She trusted Johnny, so she spent the night
Who knew a wolf had such a charming bite?

But Johnny was an agent, not a gent
And he took more than the usual ten percent
And though he promised Miss Chanelle the Earth
He soon discovered what his word was worth
On opening night, the audience was packed
When she caught him screwing with a younger act
In flagrante at the Finchley Hotel
The tragedy of Loco Chanelle

The seats were sold out to the last reserves
She said, "I need a drink to calm me nerves"
Then she saw Johnny with his tie askew
Her look was loaded and her gun was too
"Here's to you Johnny, have a shot to start"
And then she smiled and shot him through the heart
Her dress was purest white 'til Johnny bled
And turned her virgin gown to deepest red (Loco)

She strolled onto the stage, a crimson queen
And killed the crowd by stealing every scene
And soon her fans were queuing round the block
To see the diva in the blood red frock
And that, my dear, is how the star shall rise

With ruby lips and murder in her eyes
'Til one day to avoid a prison cell
Miss Loco vanished like a magic spell
Oh, where she is now, no! I'll never tell
That's the legend
Of
Loco Chanelle