Last Goodbye

It's been a long 9 months since you Left
I've counted the seconds, the minutes And the days
I've laid in bed depressed
Time has all been a haze
But I've been crazed
Cant seem to get you out my brain
Just to feel alive I have to focus on The pain
All the other times I'm numb,
What is happiness? I forget how it Tastes
All of this has been a waste
Maybe us meeting was just one big Mistake
I just cant seem to let it all go
The last time I heard your voice on The phone
Before you left me all alone
Let it be known
You left the lights on and nobody is Home
So despicable, that my mind is Blown
All I asked was to give the love I Showed
Couldn't even do that, it's such a low Blow
I dont know why I'm waiting, these Wounds will never close
Come to terms that ill never have Closure
Let alone maintain my composure
Pushed me away as I tried to pull you Closer
Just want off this emotional Rollercoaster
Times I still cant believe it's over
Blaming myself cuz the devil on my Shoulder
It took you 8 short days to find Another
All the while I sit here as I grow Colder
Alone in my mind
Alone all the time
Alone waiting for the last goodbye
And yet here I sit still, hopelessly Waiting
Day after day chasing booze with the Pills
I'm scared it'll lead to irrational Behaving
That I'll finally get sick of Contemplating
Im a broken record seems I'm always Complaining
But I cant battle the monster its Creating
Being eaten alive, I'm dead on the Inside
Abandoned all hope, I've lost all of My drive
I'm just going through the motions Waiting for my time
Salvaging from the destruction You've left behind
You say you've done nothing wrong But it should be a crime
Crushing someone so bad they cant Wait to die
And I just cant accept the fact you're Not still mine
I was hoping our paths would always Be entwined
But it's very clear you never felt the Same inside
At least I can sleep at night knowing That I really tried
I wish you could even fathom all the Thoughts in my head
After all this time I still replay the Things you said
Battling the demons of lonliness and Dread
And the constant thoughts to put a Gun to my head
Pull the hammer back and my mind Always races
"Why shouldn't I do it?" I tell myself "Let's face it"
I refuse to stomach anymore self Hatred
Maybe it's time to finally end it
Alone in my mind
Alone all the time
Alone waiting for the last goodbye
You said you'd always be here Through all my struggles
Thought I had a strong foundation
But over night it crumbled to rubble
Left me picking up the pieces
Your decisions got me puzzled
I hate what you've done, it's time to Move on
Treated you like a queen
Yet you played me like a pawn
At the end of it all, all I got was this Song
Tell me I'm wrong
The blueprints for deception were Never really drawn
That you actually gave a fuck
And that you saw, what I always said
That I wasn't good enough
Maybe it's karma
Or is it just bad luck?
Youre the closest to true happiness I've ever touched
Couldn't stand the fact I'm nothing But a lush
The echo of your last 5 words
As you screamed I cant do this Anymore
I dont know what hurts more
The fact I feel deceived
Or the fact you're self absorbed
I know in my mind your words Shouldn't matter
Yet I can only drown them out when I'm plastered
Thanks to you, this rap shit I've Master
I guess in a way this my happy ever After
Take a step back, and view it Through my eyes
Stab me time and time again with Your white lies
I have nothing left to say, I'm just Waiting for the day
I get my last goodbye, for being Betrayed
Alone in my mind
Alone all the time
Alone waiting for the last goodbye