Mourning

I been lookin from the view of my casket
Everything is lookin up I think that you could imagine
I know what would kill me there's no use in me askin
It's the end of the fuckin album if you didn't catch it, well

That's the way it usually happens
Usin theatrics, hopin none of you could see past it
No one paid attention enough
After this I'm out of stock cuz I invested enough

Now I think that God was always tellin me to stop
Cuz he just can't sit back and watch it it's depressin as fuck
No one ever thought that they should take another look
Til they identify my body cuz I said it enough

I remember prayin in the stairwell
Way before I sobered up and knew I needed their help
This is what I wouldn't dare tell
Is it fair? Well, they won't fare well when it's farewell

I can't go to sleep til it's mornin
I can't blame the pain that I'm hoardin

I don't have enough to ignore it
Don't say I left with no warnin
This only hurts if ya mournin

Nas told me that the world is yours
If it's true then I just wanna know the market for it
I know God's supposed to have a plan for me
But what if mine was gettin dead presidents in my pocket for it

What if I'm sellin myself short
Honestly that's what I been tellin myself more
I just want my tremors to shake what I fell for
Shoulda gave it up at the second it felt forced

Runnin outta breath like how I'm runnin out of time
From all the damage that I did as an addict I can't forget it
Sobered up on terms and conditions that weren't accepted
I got all this fuckin guilt knowin everybody I met is

Fuckin dead; I can't take your advice
I'm too busy plannin how I'm takin my life
I'm wasted, from all that my ways did
Wakin up isn't worth it if I'm still payin the price

I can't go to sleep til it's mornin
I can't blame the pain that I'm hoardin

I don't have enough to ignore it
Don't say I left with no warnin
This only hurts if ya mournin

Started as an outlet just to talk about my pain
Cuz I knew what I really needed was a voice for myself
7 years go by and now I hate what I became
Knowing that I can't make a song without exploiting myself

If I gave it up I'll be enjoyin
myself
Until I found out that it's too late to make a choice for myself
I'm avoidin what fillin the void doesn't help
So why the fuck does this feel natural I'm destroyin myself, wait

It's all that I've ever known
No one else can hurt me my best attack is my own
Couple friends of mine would check up on me
Til I pushed em all away now I hate the fact I'm alone

But that doesn't mean I'm by myself
Will I throw it all away, only time can tell
If you're in attendance at my funeral
You shoulda saw it comin every song was just a cry for help

I can't go to sleep til it's mornin
I can't blame the pain that I'm hoardin

I don't have enough to ignore it
Don't say I left with no warnin
This only hurts if ya mournin