Diplomatic Interventions

I'm taking classes at night
French and Photography
It's all about the right light, obviously
A candle in a bottle of Bordeaux, oh
Pick the wax not my scabs
Developing fluids and progressing my vocab
Je ne t'aime pas comme ça
Où sont les autres?
Je regrette ce que j'ai dit

Noticed something unusual on the way back from my oral exam
With Sam we cut through the back way
Squeezed passed discarded mattresses
Cans of pop and blood-stained bandages
At the house at the bottom, the back gate is open
From the shadows we can see straight in the living room
There's two people shouting
He spouting, says he's a grown man, she says start acting like one
Creep nearer so we can hear clearer
The accents more Thames than the Wear here
It's getting nasty
I run and hammer on the door, as he puts his hands round her throat

So it turns out they were just watching Eastenders on a giant TV in the living room
Just an old couple sat with the volume cranked up, shovelling dinners from trays on laps
The shock of a bang on the door, from behind
They've got a 5 to 1 system but it's louder than surround sound
Causes them to jump up, fling spaghetti bologonese up the wall
Floral crockery smashed on the floor
We exchange stares for a second, my pointing finger trying to explain
Then I just turn and run, Sam's long gone
Gash my knee as I'm upturned by the grandkids trampoline
Get home my hands smell like gasoline
You can't intervene
When it's on a flat screen