Ode to an Expedition (Freestyle)

This is a song about losing your virginity

When I was seventeen
Somebody stole my car
(Wait, were you actually seventeen?)
Yeah - No wait no, I was eighteen
No wait, actually I think I was, uh, nineteen

Anyway somebody stole my car
It was '04 expedition
Eddie Bauer edition
Please look for my car on the road
If you find it, report it to the police

They're looking for my car
It's been like seven months so
They probably gave up on my car
But I don't even need it anymore, no

Because I got me a new car, yeah
I don't need the expedition anymar

Dear thief who stole his car
I really hope you like the twenty bucks you got
With the shitty bluetooth and the guitar in the back
It's probably worth more anyway
Fuck it, this song's gonna be about the guitar

No
There was so much more in my car (Like what?)
I had the - bust of a George Bush in my car (Oh my God)
It was made out of copper (Oh)
Actually, I think it was Zinc (Oh, less interesting)
At least, that's what I think (I don't care)
It was made of

(What else was in there?
Shit, I don't even remember, it's been like seven months,
I think I already said that, did I already say seven...
Yes, fuck it
Yea, alright
Um, I don't, um)

I think, uh
I think I left the keys in the car
But it was actually locked
So how do you think they got inside my car to steal my car?
How do you think?
I think they took a tow truck into the parking lot
and then they towed your car
They towed my car from my parking spot
At my house, it was in my driveway of my house,
can you believe that shit?
I've gotta give them credit, that's actually really cool
(I can't believe that shit)

Well, they stole my car on February, like seventh I think
(Oh, that's two day after my birthday)
Two days after this dickhole's birthday
(I'm a dickhead, not a dickhole, get your shit straight)
Yeah, um, my laptop was in there
Oh my God! No!

Dear Mr. thief who stole his car
Please don't look on his computar
Cuz there's porn of him doing me (There's a lot of porn of him and me)
The password's "26", please don't look at our massive dicks
Why is my laptop's password 26?
Because it's funnier than twenty-five

Twenty-five, I don't wanna be alive
Twenty-Six, twenty-six, please don't look at our massive dicks
Twenty-Seven

The files are in a folder called "please don't steal his car"
I always knew that somebody would steal my car with a tow truck
Why didn't you take the necessary precautions
to keep people from stealing your car with a tow truck?
How do stop a person from stealing a car with a tow truck?
You would buy all the tow trucks
and you keep them from stealing your motherfuckin' car
But what if somebody builds a tow truck? How do you fix that shit?
How do you fix it?
Then you buy that one too, yeah
Well
See, but then you have to worry about the,
the thiefs stealing the tow trucks that you own
and then stealing more tow trucks with them
to create an army of tow trucks
that can steal '04 Expedition Eddie Bauer editions.
This just seems like a bad scenario all in all.
Although it is entirely your fault, so...
How is it my fault?
Because you didn't buy all the tow trucks, you fuckin...
I don't have that much money,
I would have to go into the tow truck, like, business
because I don't have any tow trucks
Yeah, it's probably not that hard,
I mean, have you seen people drivin' tow trucks?
Sorry, people drivin' tow tucks
Well, I can't go to the tow truck school to...
do tow truck shit because I don't have a car anymore
Yeah you do, you said you bought a new car
Well, I bought a car but the transmission sucks,
it won't go in reverse
And it rumbles a lot, and it won't go in reverse,
that's a big deal
Damn, that sucks
Yeah, I know
But it's still your fault for not letting your car get. not stolen
How is it my fault?
Alright, that's the end of this song,
I hope you guys enjoyed. Thanks...
No, how is it my fault? It's not my fault

Hoooooooo