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Hey, it's uh... it's me

I don't think my brain is cut out for this rap shit (I)
I sold my soul to try to bring about a map, shit (Why)
Why can't I get some sleep, I feel like it could help me (Find)
Find a secret passage out to Hogwarts (Mischief managed)
I took my helping and I gave it away
I grabbed a second helping at the end of the day
Now I'm runnin up for thirds before some fuckers get their first
My head is turnin every time somebody whispers my name
I had a dream that I's with flower boy and we was pushing daisies
Saw my father in the flesh, first time since I was 8
A bunch of baby bees brought me to the place and to the date
They told mikey that his dad would start to fade all away
I used to dream of dinosaurs, till they ate off my face
I had a journal of comics I wrote, they took it away
We never had cable, so all that I could watch was Arthur
And the theme song always told me: it's a wonderful day, shit

You ever get like that? Like just so fuckin sad that, like
You're just numb to everything after a certain point

They say I talk about my father to much, the fuck you mean?
That shit's been hauntin every day of my life since I's a teen
I wrote a whole fuckin song to my mom and now they
Acting like traumatic events just ain't what they seem
Sometimes I feel like I can soar through the ceiling
Like I can see a person's heart when it's beating, I took a hard bunch of beatings
Just to get to my meetings, and to get to my classes
I need to sort out my feelings, and to get over Daphne
I take prescriptions, but ain't took em for a couple a years
I told my doctor I ain't missed a single day through my tears
She said that I'll be off em soon, and it ain't safe to do it quickly
I know I'm gonna "save the money" just to spend it on beer, shit

I mean I think that's the scariest part, y'know?
The trauma of the situations I kept getting into they
They didn't even phase me anymore. It was just so like

My head been spinnin and spinnin, like whippin the Honda at Ty Warner park
I got a feelin that I'm not the apple, but everyone says that I didn't fall far
My grandma's bipolar, my grandpa was senile
My dad was depressed, so I know where to start
I'm suicidal, an addict, controlling, in constant fear I'll be the cause of the harm
I'm not the wind in the trees, I am the chips on the ground, not the life of the party
But I'm the first person to leave, I got an X on my chest for the weapons to cleave
I get off Twitter so I can look into the mirror at cuts that I make
Just to watch how they bleed
All they can say is that I am "unique." I don't know, what the fuck that means
I get thoughts I can't express cause I don't want to scare nobody
Share the fuckin lot of em, but this'll cross the line
Sometimes I see the body of the person that I killed
Back in 2014, but we share the same face

And like, from the outside, I don't think anybody could tell how fuckin crazy I was
If anything, I came off as kinda monotonous
but I was thinking these delusional, suicidal thoughts

I been lookin to the future tryna fix the past
I gotta get my shit together and I gotta do it fast
I been running on some fumes, and I don't know where I'm at
There ain't another fuckin exit for a mile and a half
And I been running, running inside of it, there is no sight of it
Ain't got the time to quit, no fuckin time to quit, I'm buried in compliments
Ain't got no confidence, I know that I'm full of shit, why don't they see it yet
Don't got a secret kid, but they gotta see me sweat
That's not my ethic it is a plea for death
It is a plea for death, plea for death, plea f