Shadows

Been on the run from a life I never want to live
They thought that I was hiding in the closet, but that wasn't it
Popped a propranolol, gimme twenty minutes and I'll chill
Fuck it
Now we gotta take it from the top, like it's fuckin staged
I think I'll die before I see another summer day
I been developing for decades in a test tube
I used to think you saved me, but now I know I saved you
I saw the error in my ways, so I fuckin changed
Whipped it in reverse, but now I'm tryna take the fast route
I've always been a corny bitch, behind a mask now
Now I wear my feelings like a stripper with her ass out

I take a pill and a half with a shot of Jager
Because I'm numbing my brain and nothing ever gives me comfort
I got off the grid for a while, but I could only find her there
So I kept searchin for her presence in my everyday

I see reflections casted of me, but they look like shadows
Imma spread a little light before I reach the gallows
It's funny how the ignant shit can get millions of views
But cuts on my wrist won't get a second look, unless there's ice up on it
And it hurts the more I think about it
The more I think about it, I know I don't deserve it

In the end, I hope that all of this was worth it
I know it's not, I know I'll pay the price
I know nobody gives a fuck if I'mma take my life
They tried to tell me I was perfect in the eyes of God
But they forgot to mention, some are destined to rot
I take a fuckin pill, get me in the zone, I don't wanna know, I don't wanna deal
Take away my phone, I just wanna chill, I just wanna go, I just
Wish I could focus on something petty, I've noticed
I'm always average or hopeless, because my family hates boldness
But I'm not backing down from who I am, to save some face with the faithless
It's basic, they don't see what I'm doing, assume I'm aimless
The cages they framed, and the pages layed blank, so I changed my behavior
Look what I make while they fakin an ache, and they lying in wait

I think my purpose is to realize that there isn't one
And pass the message around, until my days are up
The ignorant will say I'm ignorant of love
But nothing really matters, so we might as well have fun
I tend to think to think in circles, they think I'm out of line
I think I'm overthinking, I think I'm out of time
Thought I was out of rhymes, but I'll keep writing more