Midnight

I'm wide eyed and it's midnight
I can't sleep and it don't feel right
I'm caught in the shadows of your moonlight
I'm wide eyed and it's midnight
And all I see is

But all I see is Ghosts and all I hear are demons
And they've been getting kinda close I can feel them breathing
Still can hear the screaming thought that it would just subside
Maybe it was all for the FX or it was "Justified"
Ain't it lovely dear, shit is kinda ugly here
Close to Philly but it ain't "Always Sunny" here
There's times I just wanna talk, time's I wanna listen
Times I 'm caught up in a thought, times I'm reminiscent
There's times that I've been lost I've been kinda distant
Fuck how this might across, my mind is kind twisted
I'm just realistic, I ain't even gotta list it
People seem to think it strange I'm just kinda different
Will I die with all these thoughts that's in my head
Cause now how I feel inside is like the fucking Walking Dead
But I've said, I always feel like I'm alone
Keep on dealing with these "Whispers" it appears that I'm Michonne
All these lessons, depression, and this anxiety
It's always messing and stressing, they keep on trying me
Seem like lesser and less, that I even care
And the more I seem to try, it seems like no-one's even- there
How many times I've, sat and watched the time fly
You've been on my mind can't sleep now I'm wide eyed
Cause every time I, don't know what to say
And the more they get to know me seems the more they walk away

Tryin to figure out
If what I'm doing is worth it, or should I go try a different route
Losing focus my frame of mind filtered with doubt
But I could never picture changing anything that I'm about
Shit is stressful, some of my past regretful
Some of the choices made was borderline disrespectful
I'm only human, still healing from all this damage
Check myself when I be tripping from carrying all this baggage
Battling demons, just tryna lift spirits
That's why I got issues telling my problems
'Cause half these niggas don't care, and the other half are glad that I got em
Nowadays my patience shorter than an interlude
Stuck trying not to contradict myself in interviews
Shits pitiful, done feeling Insufferable
Holding myself back to make others feel comfortable

Success, that's what I see and envision
My soul sight could see out of society's prison
I had the tools to shawshank my way outta it
But to get to that meant digging thru a lot of shit
Is this post trauma or is this post karma?
The sins of my father I do not want to honor
The debt of divorce I wish I could take from my mama
more reasons for this marijuana
Used to being uninsured so blunts are cheaper than therapy
Black Mental Health care, something that they don't care to see
Learned from Malcolm X and MLK's legacy
Educated black man, I'm public enemy
I'm working like I'm that man while fixing all of my bad repeating tendencies
Deflect from bad energy and fix the inner me
From negative thoughts that wake me up make me question me
Finding balance is life's test to me
Delayed having kids
Delayed my marriage
For this music shit
Decisions I gotta live wit
But I'll testify
The ups and down of life, made me Nick Saban I'll coach you roll with the Tides
Inner demons and haters try to say I failed
Mom moved to this country so that I can prevail
Combine that with the pressure on myself
Awake cause I'm anxious in my sleep bout the details, damn