I Fear God

It's one in the afternoon
I walk into my front door
And what do I see
You on the fuckin floor
I ran up to you, "Dad what's wrong"
"Dad talk to me, what's goin on"
Fifteen minutes went on
And you still didn't respond

911 On the way
I'm callin everybody and I don't know what to say
Thinkin that you
No, no way
You promised me that you would stop and you would just stay away
Paramedics putting you in a gurney
Police lookin round with a face that's concerning
My heart is fuckin beating not knowin if I should worry
Since the paramedics didn't look like they were in a hurry

My hearts pounding
My hands are shaking
I couldn't tell if you were gone or you were just fakin
Mom's missin
Maybe she was shaken
Or maybe she just had enough or she just couldn't even take it
Either way, I was standin all alone
Nobody to hug and not a single fuckin hand to hold
But when I found you, you were holdin what mattered to you
A box of chicken wings and a fuckin 20 pack a Blue

Screw you for putting me here
Yesterday was filled with happiness and holiday cheer
Talkin about my life and where I'll be in a year
But after what happened here, I fear life
I fear God, and what he's gonna go do to you
Will he forgive your sins and let you respawn too
Or is he gonna pull you out, say that you're overdue
And let you from now on grill on the devil's fuckin barbecue

It's like I really wanna love you dude
But at the same time you're actin just so fuckin rude
Why you always gotta be in a fuckin bad mood
Why can't you just stand up and fix your fuckin attitude
It isn't like we haven't had this talk
You remember we we're walkin down the street on the sidewalk
You said you'd go and clean up all the shit in your dock
Yet I come home hours later and you ain't cleaned up a spot

Dear God, why my dad got all these thoughts in his head
All these thoughts that get him thinkin he'll be better off dead
Now I'm in a hospital and he's in a fuckin bed
And my mom ain't here supporting him but I am in fuckin stead
Why am I the one that always has to "fuckin grow up"
You're the fucking adult, yet you never fuckin show up
To the games, parties, to the fuckin communions
Not even a single fuckin family reunion

Look where we are, are you fuckin happy now
Do you feel satisfied, now that you're going way fuckin down
Are you fuckin happy now
Now that you're going way, way fuckin down

It's eleven in the morning
Thoughts rushin through my head
Is this a message or a warning
I just wanna go to bed
Through the fridge that I'm forging
Don't want no water or no bread
Is this my second mourning
Shit, I feel like I'm dead

I don't know
Where to go
I feel down
All around
Takin shit
Wanna quit
Drink a case
Imma disgrace
Feelin weak
Tryina speak
To the Lord
That I adored
Need some time
To get off my mind
Eat a wing
Take off my ring

From no air
Would you care
Would you give me a prayer
Would it give you a scare
Come visit my nightmare
All you say is "beware"
And now my heart feels bare
You wouldn't dare
To come and take a seat in my fuckin chair

I ain't made for this life
So I made a sacrifice
To give my kid the proper life
Please tell me what's the price
I don't know what's right
And I don't wanna fight
I don't know what's wrong
Fuck, maybe I just don't belong

Fuck, I just don't belong
I Fear God