Whiplash Will

For a lot of people, like cops and firemen
And interns, short order cooks, bar maida and hookers
And country singers
Saturday night is working night, if you're lucky
Here's a fellow who makes his livin'
Off the wild and blind Saturday night drivers

Whiplash Will from Watsonville
He's got a rubber spine
It's just his luck when he drives his truck
He keeps getting hit from behind

But Whiplash Will, he's hard to kill
And he's a real good sport
If you've got your checkbook handy
He'll settle out of court

He says, "C'mon and hit me
C'mon, c'mon, I dare you
Just rearend me, bust me, bend me
Don't let this neck brace scare you

Whiplash Will at the bottom of the hill
He's got no taillights on
Sittin' double parked and waitin' in the dark
For a Cadillac to come along

If you're driving a Rolls or an 88 Olds
He'll sure be glad you came
But if you're driving a Volks, he say, "Move on, folks
You're messing up my game"

C'mon and hit me
C'mon, c'mon, I dare you
Yeah, just rearend me, bust me, bend me
Don't let this neck brace scare you

His twisted neck brings big old checks
His spine's been bought and sold
His vertebrae just pays and pays
His lumbar's made of gold

When Whiplash Will's got to pay his bills
He remembers what his daddy said
"Son, a poor boy's got to break his back
If he's ever gonna get ahead"

Whiplash Will from Watsonville
He don't work alone
Got a doctor and a lawyer and a tow truck driver
Waiting by the telephone

And he warns the rigs about the highway pigs
Waiting to do him wrong
And they let Will know on that CB radio
When a live one's coming along

Hey, c'mon and hit me
C'mon, c'mon, I dare you
Just rearend me, bust me or bend me
Don't let this neck brace scare you

Oh, Whiplash Bill, whip
Then go on buddy on that Mercedes