Spinning

I'm getting cabin fever and I can't escape the woods
The bottles are the witches, can't label them bad or good
Distorting my reality, the way I've learned to deal
My mind is playing tricks on me, I can't tell what is real
The line of fucked and sober is an area of grey
My friends all know my story so there's nothing left to say
After many conversations, the answers repeat clear
I'm burning people out, no one wants my damage near

I'm losing all control and I've let go of the wheel
I've disregarded everyone, don't care how they all feel
You cannot love another until you have loved yourself
But I can't look in a mirror without the toxic forms of help
I'm spinning like a Ferris wheel, ride my highs and lows
I am feeling dizzy, numbness spreads from head to toes
So sit down, watch me go and please catch me if I fall
You're witness to the casualties of my internal brawls

Watch me spin, watch me spin
I'm stuck inside a loop
Break me in, break me in
Until I snap then droop
Watch me go, watch me go
Watch me let go of my fears
Break me down, break me down
See my damage through the years

I'm feeling like a gerbil like I have to run and run
Like the weight I must carry has to weigh more than a ton
This battle's never ending, I just want to raise the flag
Play people like a game, a type of never ending tag
I'd sell my soul if I could leave my mind just for a day
But magic isn't real so in the underworld I stay
For now I can speak freely but who knows when that might change
The demons who control me have been acting very strange

I'm losing all control and I've let go of the wheel
I've disregarded everyone, don't care how they all feel
You cannot love another until you have loved yourself
But I can't look in a mirror without the toxic forms of help
I'm spinning like a Ferris wheel, ride my highs and lows
I am feeling dizzy, numbness spreads from head to toes
So sit down, watch me go and please catch me if I fall
You're witness to the casualties of my internal brawls

Watch me spin, watch me spin
I'm stuck inside a loop
Break me in, break me in
Until I snap then droop
Watch me go, watch me go
Watch me let go of my fears
Break me down, break me down
See my damage through the years

I spit at my reflection and I scream all my rebukes
This ride is slowly killing me, I think that I might puke
The demons have their snacks, my pain's their favorite show
I'm so disoriented I've lost every sense of flow
I can no longer see, slowly losing every sense
This hurt is fucking brutal, each round of pain is immense
My brain is overloaded with the ugly thoughts I think
There's one that would require me to walk up to the brink

Through all of the spinning, my mind found a dim light
It's horrid and abusive, darker than a crow in night
I fixate on this thought, it's the only way to leave
To come up to the surface and to feel like I can breathe